The Words I Couldn't Say
by VampGurl82
Summary: "What about me? Who's going to ask about me when you could ask about Lissa?" I cried. Right now, I just wanted to be alone, but I knew I never could be. I would forever spend my life with the two people that betrayed me when I thought I could trust them.
1. Love lost, love gained

**~This is taking place right after Lissa brought Dimitri back in the warehouse. Enjoy~**

*** Rose ***

It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. I tried to blink back the traces of the blinding light and see what was in front of me. Surely that was him, the Dimitri I loved. He was right there, but I couldn't move. I was frozen with wonder, watching him weep in Lissa's arms.

She saved him. He was back. Why was he upset? Did the fire burn him that badly? No, I couldn't see any burn marks- or even scratches- on his tan damphir skin.

"It's okay," She soothed him, stroking his sweaty hair. Despite all that had happened tonight, I felt a small tinge of jealous. I brushed it off though. They were okay. _We_ were okay.

In reality, it took everyone about two seconds to start fighting again. I could have stood there for hours though, watching Dimitri and trying to decide if it was really him.

But I didn't.

A Strigoi came out of nowhere and shoved my shoulder, trying to push me out of my small open space. I whipped around and staked him before he even saw my face. I felt powerful, I felt invincible now that he was and Lissa was safe.

I turned back to the scene, only to find guardians catching their breath and looking skeptically at Lissa, who was telling them not the come to close to Dimitri.

I dragged my eyes away from them as I surveyed the room. Something was wrong.

If there were no Strigoi around, then why did I feel so sick to my stomach?

A wave of nausea washed through me like lightning. I had never felt so sick before. "Hans, I think-"

The windows broke, glass scattering the floor.

"Strigoi!" I yelled, though it probably didn't matter considering they were jumping through the window.

The guardians tensed for battle again, despite their earlier fatigue. Only we had already lost so many guardians in the earlier fight, and the vampires just kept coming. And coming.

I instantly recalled what Dimitri had told me when we first met. If you can't fight, flee.

Okay, there were about twenty guardians in there, and the room was filling up fast, despite my previous Strigoi encounters. I had never dreamed that this many could be working together. This was a bigger number then I had ever seen. They were fast, and they didn't stop coming in. Could we defeat them? Well, I wasn't going to just sit here and watch, that's for sure.

I lunged toward Lissa, my protective instinct returning from earlier. As if he read my mind, Hans yelled, "Get the princess out of here!"

I grabbed her arm and spun her around, away from the incoming Strigoi. I could feel her fear through the bond, but it wasn't for her life. It was for Dimitri's. He was a good guardian and he could handle this. I scanned the room for an open exit, but I didn't see any.

A Strigoi tried to pull me away from Lissa, and I punched him in the face. He just scowled and scurried away.

I wondered why no one else was helping me get her out, but then, it didn't matter, Her life was in my hands.

I pulled her toward the main door, guessing that it was our best bet considering Strigoi were still flooding through the windows.

I clenched my teeth as I tried to move faster through the fighting crowd. I shielded her with my body as we inched toward the door.

There was a falter in my concentration though, as Lissa let out an ear splitting scream and tried to get out of my grip. At first I thought she was hurt, then a chill ran down my spine as I discovered the real reason.

I had foolishly forgotten that there were two Moroi in the room. "Oh God." I breathed.

Lissa, who had lost all sense of rationality, thrashed and kicked trying to get across the room where a Strigoi had snapped Christian's neck.

"Christian!" She screamed, "Christian! Christian!"

I tried to restrain her, knowing she could be next if I didn't get her out.

"Stop it Rose! I can heal him!" When she managed to turn around, the look on her face was so desperate and destroyed that I almost let go.

"Lissa, we have to go!"

"No! Christian!" She screamed louder than I thought her voice was ever capable of.

She managed to pull one arm free and she hit me in the face so hard that I stumbled backwards. Shit.

Thankfully, Hans grabbed her as she tried to leap straight back into the battle. He literally threw her over his shoulder and ran out of there. She was still screaming and thrashing.

I don't know why I did it, but I went back for Christian's body. Maybe I did it because Lissa was my best friend. I would do anything for her. Or maybe I did it because I remembered how bad I'd wanted her to bring Dimitri back after the battle at Saint Vladimir's. Either way, I knew it was the right thing to do.

I staked four Strigoi trying to get out of there, but I made it alive. Feelings from the bond mixed with my own and I was filled with unbearable anguish.

I made it to where the vehicles were parked, and I couldn't feel my shoulder because of Christian's weight.

I wondered why Hans hadn't gotten the hell out of here, but then I read Lissa's fragile mind. She'd used an exceedingly large amount of compulsion on him to make him stay. She was waiting on me. She knew why I had fallen behind. Just as I knew what she was going to do. And honestly, I hope to God it worked.

We would work out the shadow-kissed side effects later. Right now, she needed him.

I gently set him down in the grass beside the car. She leapt out and fell to her knees beside him. Wasting no time, she immediately grabbed his hand and summoned the magic.

She definitely deserved some credit here. As destroyed as she was, she was still able to summon up enormous amounts of light and happiness because she loved him.

The problem was, it wasn't enough. I'm not sure she'd ever thrown that much energy into anything before. I felt it through the bond, and she was giving every once of life she had left to Christian.

"Christian, wake up." She pleaded, touching his face lightly and then running her fingers through his hair, "Please," She sobbed, "Come back."

She tried and tried, and my heart was breaking watching this. I knew I couldn't do anything though, and it killed me even more. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she eventually lay down next to him and stopped pleading.

It reminded me of Mason and I, yet u knew it must be different with someone you love like this.

There was no sound except for her soft crying.

Tonight Dimitri came back, and Christian was gone.

I let her stay there. I couldn't bear to tell her we had to move. About twenty more minutes passed and two guardians came back, supporting Dimitri in between them.

"Where are the others?" I asked, resisting the urge to run to Dimitri. However, he was staring at Lissa with the same expression he'd had in the warehouse. Admiration. Extreme sadness.

"We are all that's left." One of them replied.

**I hope you guys liked it so far, more to come if you let me know what you think. Review!**


	2. Endless

*** Lissa ***

Usually, after a person somebody loves dies, they seem to know what that person would have wanted for them. Well, I guess I was an exception because I had no idea what Christian would have wanted for me. I assume he'd want me to try and be happy, but I don't really know. It's much easier to think that it's my fault for not patching up our relationship before he was gone.

Today was my third in my room. I knew people were only trying to help, but I didn't need them to tell me that everything would be okay. So far, I wasn't buying a word of it. The only person I've seen so far is Rose.

Apparently, during the car ride back to the Royal Court, I'd passed out from all the spirit I used. She was there in the morning when I woke up, afraid to leave me alone. She'd brought donuts, but I couldn't eat. I could barely even sit up. We didn't talk at all, but she hugged me until I stopped crying, which was a very long time. The night before, I had only focused on bringing him back. That morning, I felt the full force of the loss.

Actually, "felt" was an understatement. It hit me like a pick-up truck.

In many ways, I blamed myself. If I hadn't agreed to let him help me, he wouldn't have been there. If I weren't the stupid last Dragomir, I wouldn't have been the center of attention. Then they would've known that there were two Moroi in the warehouse.

Rose tried to come back a lot. I think other people did too, but I never got out of bed to let anyone in. I was experiencing a lot of mental and physical fatigue from all the spirit I used. Rose tried to take away the darkness, but I held on to it desperately. I wouldn't let anyone else suffer at my expense again.

A knock on the door made me jump. I was standing in front of the mirror, supposed to be getting ready for the funeral. Getting out of bed took a lot of energy, and making myself look presentable would be a whole other chore.

I waited patiently for the knocker to go away, but they kept knocking. I assumed it was Rose, because no one else would be this stubborn.

I swung the door open, ready to tell her that I would just meet her there, but it wasn't Rose. It was Dimitri.

Judging by the guardian's faces when I turned him back, I thought they'd never let him regain his position in Moroi society. But after the second battle, I think they respected him even more then they did when he was a dhampir the first time.

I never answered any calls, but I made just one. I called Hans because I needed to make sure Dimitri was okay. I knew he needed me, and I truly felt guilty for abandoning him. I just feared it would make his hurting even worse if I couldn't muster up any charm or happiness.

I couldn't explain the feeling I got when he changed. It was like his soul was permanently filled with hatred and death, but somehow I turned it around. I changed his evil destiny for a new one.

I wasn't bonded with him, but I somehow felt connected with him in a deeper way. Hans had said he was also not leaving. My guess was because he didn't want to scare anyone. A guardian was always present with him, just to ease the tension some of the royals were feeling. They apparently thought he was still Strigoi, but the guardians knew the truth. He was out in full daylight when we got back, he didn't have fangs, and best of all, he jumped up and fought Strigoi as soon as he could.

I felt it. I felt how hurt his soul was after I changed him, and I knew he wasn't any stronger physically. But he fought anyways. Probably for redemption, he wanted to erase his past. I wanted to help him feel better on the inside.

"Are you okay?" He and I both knew this was only a formality. The answer was written all over my face.

"You can come in, I was just getting ready for the funeral." My voice cracked, I hadn't used my voice in awhile.

"I just wanted to see you." He said quietly. It was like he was an innocent child asking for his mother. I felt like I needed to protect him from all the bad things in the world.

"Hans told me, I'm sorry-"

"It's okay." He interrupted, probably noticing that my eyes were brimming with tears. Without thinking, I stumbled forward and hugged him tightly. Maybe because he was broken, or maybe because I was. I didn't know. I mashed my teeth together and held in a sob. What would my family think of me? I couldn't keep showing weakness like this to everybody.

He didn't pull away from me.

Was this wrong? Was Christian watching me from heaven? Was he mad? No, there was nothing romantic about this. We just needed each other's decreasing strength. I pulled away anyways, shocked by my own vulnerability. He didn't look mad though, he looked calm and serene.

"I'm sorry, I have to get ready…" I said hesitantly, not wanting him to leave. I was suddenly afraid of being alone.

"I just thought you might want someone to accompany you on your way."

Oh, I'd never thought of that. I gave him a half-hearted smile. "That would be very nice of you."

I got ready pretty fast, though my arms felt like jell-o and my legs felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each. I wore a simple black dress and flats, and my hair down around my shoulders how Christian used to like it. I put on my make-up and promised myself I would not cry in front of all those people.

It was a joint funeral with Priscilla Voda, so all of the council and many of the important Royals would be there. I knew that if it weren't a joint funeral, not even half that amount of people would show up for Christian. I felt horrible that no one else would remember him the way I did.

Neither of us talked on the way. I basically just concentrated on taking deeps breaths and trying to put on an unreadable face. I hoped my make-up covered the puffiness around my eyes.

His (very unnecessary) guardian trailed behind us looking bored. He knew Dimitri wouldn't hurt me.

"Thank you." I whispered, right before we walked in. I was about to push open the door but he caught my hand.

"Do you think we might be able to talk later, or in a few days? Whenever you're ready." His voice was calm and gentle. We hadn't talked at all about his change, but there was something about it that we both sort of understood. It was unexplainable to others, but I knew without him having to tell me. I think talking about it might be good for both us. I wanted to tell him that I didn't resent him at all for what happened to Christian. That was on me.

"Yes, of course." I whispered, barely audible. I pushed open the door then, before I broke my promise not to cry.

As soon as we walked in, Rose spotted us and hurried over. I wondered if she had her reunion with Dimitri yet. Maybe she could also help him. I knew how much she loved him, and I think it would be good for him knowing someone cares.

I looked up at him, but his expression had turned from soft and caring to hard and unreadable. "Excuse me." He said, before he and his guardian swiftly moved into the crowd.

"What was that about?" I asked Rose as she embraced me.

"I don't know. Apparently he told Hans that he didn't want to talk to anyone at all." She looked kind of hurt, but she was hiding it well.

"Oh…" Hans must have been lying to her. But why? Surely he wanted to see the girl he loved? _The girl he loved_. That made my chest ache.

The service was about to begin, so this conversation would have to wait until later. We took our seats near the back and Rose squeezed my hand as the priest said, "We are here today to honor the lives of Priscilla Voda and Christian Ozera."

**I really hope you guys like it so far, and thank you for the reviews on chapter one! More reviews = more motivation to write the next chapter. :) If you think it's tough now, just wait until things get even more complicated.. please tell me what you think! **


	3. Whose there for me?

*** Rose ***

Anytime in the past three days that wasn't spent knocking on Lissa's door was spent trying to get in to see Dimitri. Normally, I would have asked for Lissa's gift of persuasion, but these were… different circumstances. It was killing me to see her like this, but I couldn't help her if she didn't let me in. She'd even blocked me from the bond, and I was afraid she was reaching her maximum spirit use.

The second she walked into the room, I rushed over, dying to know if she was okay… and needed a distraction from thinking about Dimitri. I begged Hans to let me see him, but he said that Dimitri wasn't allowed to talk to anyone under any circumstances. That didn't stop me from using various bribing methods though. I mean come on, what's a girl supposed to do when her true love returned from Strigoi form she's deprived of the romantic reunion where they run into each other's arms in slow motion? It was really annoying me, but they had to let him out sometime, didn't they? I mean come on, he got up and staked like ten Strigoi!

I was so distracted by not thinking about Dimitri, that I didn't notice that the real Dimitri was standing at Lissa's side. I hadn't noticed him, but he definitely noticed me. I wanted to run to him, but something kept me rooted in place. I think it was a combination of his disgusted expression and her extremely visible distress.

Dimitri muttered something to her and walked away. So they were letting him talk? Why hadn't he come to find me? Oh God, did he remember me?

I balled my hands into fists so nobody would see them shaking from panic that just shot through me. Maybe he didn't want our reunion to be so public. But why hadn't he at least called? Surely, after all my begging and bribery attempts, Hans would have told me that he was allowed to talk.

Instead of freaking out, I waited for Lissa to speak first, "What was that about?" So she must have also wondered about our non-reunion.

I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat. I was just about to get teary eyed for all the wrong reasons. "I don't know. Apparently, Hans said he wasn't allowed to talk to anyone at all." I wanted to make an excuse that we already talked, or that he had to keep a low profile around other guardians. Something in her expression confirmed my fear that Hans had only been sparing my feelings.

"Oh." Was all she said, and she looked at her shoes. I was curious to see if she knew anything, but I didn't bother to check the bond. I didn't want to be that desperate yet. Besides, I needed to be here for emotional support right now.

The funeral was quiet, and it seemed short. Not many people hung around to chat afterward. It was probably because it was starting to get dark out. Since the attack, the court had been running on a daylight schedule to ease Moroi worries. I don't think it worked though, because despite the wards, everyone stayed indoors all the time. The court went on a lock down of sorts until they received news that the Strigoi party was drifting away. Nobody could leave or get in except guardians, but there were few complaints. After all, this was the safest place to be.

A few mourners stuck around whispering in small groups, but Lissa and I were standing alone. I don't even think she cared about whether we stayed or left; she looked like she was going to collapse from lack of sleep in a matter of seconds. Tears fell down her cheeks the entire time, but she kept her head high. I wondered how much spirit was playing into all those tears. I tried, once again, to reach the darkness. I hit a brick wall. Damn.

I put and arm around her shoulders, "Let's go Liss."

"Wait, Vasilisa," I wrinkled my nose at the voice of a woman I regularly tried to avoid. "Can I have a word with you?" Tatiana asked, showing no emotion that her best friend had just died at the hands of a Strigoi.

"Um, sure." She stepped away with Tatiana, and I gave them room. The last thing I needed was for that bitch to tell me another thing I was doing wrong. If she started giving Lissa a hard time though, I would definitely step in.

I looked across the small courtyard, and noticed Dimitri staring at me. Well, _glaring_ is more accurate. His guardian had left him alone, so I took the opportunity to confront him.

"Dimitri?" I asked, trying not to let on to the fact that I still marveled at his tan skin and deep, brown eyes.

"Rose." He nodded, and looked past me.

"Did you… why didn't you want to see me?" Okay, that came out a lot more helpless than it was supposed to.

"I had nothing to say to you." Wait, what?

"What do you mean? I love you, I changed you-"

"Lissa changed me." He interrupted. Ouch.

"Yeah but I helped! Do you think she could have done that without me?"

"What do you want, Rose?" The words were harsh, but they were still laced with the human emotion that Strigoi lacked.

"I want to talk to you! Why didn't you tell me you were allowed to talk? Why would you make that up?" My voice grew angrier at every word, and my cheeks burned as I tried to read through his mask.

"I had nothing to say to you." He repeated. I stomach lurched.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't want to see you." He said flatly.

"What? But you love me!" I said, almost pleadingly. Wow, this was a pitiful reunion.

"I need to stay out of your life right now."

"But-"

"Excuse me." He pushed past me, leaving my skin tingling where our shoulders touched. He walked away, right across the courtyard. Right to Lissa.

I followed behind, ignoring the ache in my chest.

"Ready to go?" I asked her, ignoring Dimitri's presence.

"Actually, I was hoping you allow me a chat with her, Rose." Dimtiri's expression was now one of just mild conversational interest. What was with the pathetic politeness?

"Whatever." I kept my eyes on Lissa. "Can I come over later?"

"Yeah, I'll leave the door unlocked." She said quietly, her eyes far away from here.

I nodded and walked away, fully intent on watching through the bond. I had to clue what I was supposed to be feeling right now. Sadness? Rejection? Understanding that he's not ready? But why isn't he ready? I don't know. I wouldn't let myself get upset though. Somebody around here had to be strong.

I tried to dive into Lissa's head, secretly grateful that she couldn't keep the wall up anymore. Or maybe my determination to figure out what the hell was going on was enough to break through.

"Are you okay?" She asked him, face showing legitimate concern.

"I'm fine." He said softly. It seemed to me like he was letting down his guard.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine, not a scratch on me." He attempted a light tone, but the emotions were thick. Lissa nodded, they seemed to be having some sort of internal conversation that they didn't need to speak aloud. Lissa felt comforted in his presence. I felt insulted.

"I meant… well… in your heart."

"I…." The look on his face right then reminded me of a scared child, hiding behind his mother's skirts from a stranger. "I don't know."

She gulped. "It's going to go away. Your doing great you know. No one is afraid of you."

It was silent for a while, with no sound except their light footsteps on the cobblestone walkway.

"I'm afraid of myself." He whispered. I don't think I had ever seen him that vulnerable before, and it hurt me. I could see then that what he was feeling was guilt. He'd killed all those Strigoi the night of the battle in an act of redemption.

"Dimitri," She stopped walking and looked up at him. "You don't have to be afraid. There's no need. Everyone is safe now." Her voice was soothing, but her hands were trembling. It probably had to do with the fact that Christian was not safe.

"I'm safe, but I shouldn't be. I don't deserve this second chance… I can never repay this debt." His words seemed jumbled up and scared.

"You don't have to repay anything, Dimitri. You just need to live a happy life." There was nothing but compassion in her eyes.

"Yes I do. You saved me. You saved from the horrors…" He trailed off, and it reminded me of when Adrian sometimes rambled about something because of spirit.

"You deserved it. You _and_ Rose deserved it."

"Rose…"

"You love Rose." She gently touched his arm, and he jerked away.

"I can't see Rose."

I bit my lip. Everything he said was like a blow to my chest, only worse than any combat training. He's confused, he's guilty, and he's hurt. I wanted to help him so badly…

"I hurt Rose. I hurt her… I can't bear to see her. I can't see Rose." He looked so damaged at that point that Lissa would've done anything to stop his rambling. I didn't blame her.

"You don't have to see Rose. Shh it's okay." She touched his arm again, and this time he didn't pull away. "I'll help you get through this, I'll be here." She meant it.

It was quiet again, both of them thinking of all they had lost. Dimitri, seeming to regain his usual composure looked into Lissa's eyes. "Thank you for saving me."

"It was Rose, not me."

"It was you, and for that I owe you my life. I will spend forever trying to repay you."

Lissa straightened up, erasing all her emotion from her face in some show of strength. "Dimitri, it was Rose. There is nothing you can repay me with. Nothing you can give me…" And like that, strength was gone. Her eyes filled with tears, and she looked away at the sunset.

Watching the two people I loved the most be crushed like this was awful. I wanted to help so badly, but I stayed where I was. Something told me they had each other for that. And Dimitri would apparently only trust the girl that truly "saved" him.

I let Lissa's emotions flow into me, mixing with my own. Was there no one in court who wasn't weeping?

A tear rolled down Lissa's cheek and Dimitri caught it with his finger. Then he echoed her words, "I'll be here." What about me? Who was there for me? _Snap out of it Rose. You can fix this. _

I dragged myself out of the bond. Dimitri didn't want me because he felt guilty over what he'd done? He couldn't bear to face me? I forgave him though. He wasn't himself… but something told me that if I pleaded with him, it wouldn't make a difference.

A tear rolled down my cheek just then, and I really wished somebody were there to catch it. It was my own hand that brushed it away, though. I could take care of myself. I always had.

"Rose? Is that you?" I looked up to see Adrian Ivashkov standing over me. I was sitting at the base of an oak tree that alined the path.

"Hey, Adrian."

"Are you going to the Death Watch?"

"The death what?"

"Watch. It's tomorrow night. I heard they're letting the surviving guardians come, so i won't have to sneak you in." He said "Surviving Guardians" like it was so big deal.

"I don't even know what that is." I said, not in the mood for his jokes about death.

"Well, a little surprise never hurt anyone. I'll pick you up and nine."

"Um...ok."

"Oh, and wear this." He said, handing me a black and silver mask that would cover most of the upper half of your face.

"A mask?"

"Yep. You'll see." He said, quickly backing away from me and waving. "Catch you later."

i watched him walk away, wondering if he would have wiped away that tear.

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. If you didn't, I'm sorry. Hopefully the next chapter will surprise you guys. Review please!**


	4. Low Blow

*** Rose ***

When I woke up, I walked straight into another nightmare. The bond pulled me into Lissa's head, but I wished it hadn't. Now I knew where she was last night when I knocked on her door. She was in Dimitri's room. I clenched my teeth, but I didn't leave yet. I didn't feel bad at all when I searched her mind to see if anything happened. Of course the answer was no, _but still_.

She blinked a few times and when she realized where she was, she bolted up. She was lying in Dimitri's bed and he was sitting on the floor, calmly looking at her. "What happened?" She looked at the clock. "Oh no, I fell asleep here!"

"I was going to wake you, but I had a feeling that you'd want to take that peace when you can get it."

"Oh… thanks." She swallowed. It wasn't awkward with him, but she was surprised that somebody cared. What? I mean hello! I was right here! Why hadn't she just come to me?

"What about you?" She asked, suddenly worried, "Did you sleep? The floor couldn't have been comfortable." She blushed with embarrassment at the fact that he must have moved her up there.

"I did sleep." We both knew he was lying.

"You're lying."

"It's not because of the floor… the dreams…"

"You should have gotten me up, I could've helped you." She said compassionately.

"It helped me that at least one of us was able to get some sleep."

She looked at him on the floor, and she thought about giving him a hug. She quickly dismissed the idea, thinking of Christian. "I have to go."

"Will you come back again?"

"Yes."

My face heated with jealously. He needed _her_. That's wrong, he should need _me_.

I jumped out of bed and pulled on a sweatshirt before running out the door. I met Lissa as she was making her way toward the guest housing.

"Where were you last night?" I asked just to see what she would say.

"Oh, Rose, I'm sorry… I was just tired…"

I should have stopped myself, but I said, "Apparently not too tired to go with Dimitri."

"You were spying on me?" she scowled.

"I wasn't spying if you pulled me in!"

"Well gee, I'm sorry, I don't exactly have the most control right now." She snapped, her sadness seeming to turn into anger.

"And you didn't even have time to ask him about me, even though you spent the _whole_ night there?"

"Rose, nothing happened! I swear!"

"That still should have been me!" I knew I was being selfish, but I couldn't help it.

"Just give him some time… he's hurting."

"Well your not the only one who can help him."

"I'm the only one who knows how he feels." She bit her lip, afraid to hurt me.

"Well you're not the only one that saved him."

"I know, Rose. I know! I told him it was you!" Her voice rose defensively.

"Well you seem to be taking a lot of credit." I snapped. Okay, I really shouldn't have said that. I didn't need to look at her face to know that was harsh.

Expecting her to just turn away, she caught me off guard when she said, "I know your jealous, Rose, but I'm trying to help. At least _he's_ alive." I could hear the acid in her voice. Instead of apologizing like I should, I let the jealous comment get to me.

"I am not jealous! You don't even know how I feel!"

"Oh, yeah? Well you look pretty jealous to me." She glared at me.

"Fine, whatever. You and Dimitri just go have a grand old time. He needs _you_, after all."

"A _grand old time_? Are you kidding me, Rose? You don't even know what he's feeling. You don't even know anything." Her voice quivered.

"I know plenty." I balled my hands into fists. I didn't need these accusations when I had given my whole life to her. I kept her safe so many times, yet apparently I knew nothing.

"No, no you don't." She turned and walked away, and I didn't follow.

**Later..**

I didn't feel much like going to this Death Watch thing, but I didn't want to disappoint Adrian. Besides, I needed somebody on my side.

I wore simple guardian attire. Normally this would have excited me, but I didn't feel much like being Lissa's guardian right now.

I didn't really pay much attention to where we were going because I was still fuming over the spat with Lissa. How could she say that stuff? She wasn't the only one that was upset around here. I wanted to tell Adrian, but I couldn't think of a good way to bring it up.

"Well, here we are." He pushed open a double door, nodding to a solemn faced guardian standing outside. This place kind of reminded me of a dungeon, and I vaguely remember going down a few flights of stairs to get here. I wondered if Tatiana tortured people down here.

"What's the point of this?" I asked, glancing around the room that was dimly lit by torches on the wall. Small groups of Moroi sat chatting in small groups. I hate to admit it, but the first person I looked for was Lissa, to see if she brought her new pal Dimitri.

"To honor those lost in the rescue. It's an ancient Moroi tradition." He led me over to the snack table, where Lissa was standing alone nervously clasping her hands together. I grabbed Adrian's hand when we walked up.

"Hey Adrian." She said sweetly, not even sparing a glance at me. She was wearing a different dress than she was at the funeral. This one was still all black, but it was a little shorter, clinging to her torso and falling loose at her waist. Wow, going a little fancy for a death thing. I suddenly wished I didn't dress up as a guardian.

"Hey," He said, picking up a glass of something on the table. "Pretty exciting, huh?"

"Better than sitting in my room, I guess." She looked at her hands. Yeah, or Dimitri's room. Geez, I needed to stop with this jealousy.

"Eh, I could find _something_ to do." He grinned and finished the drink. "Belikov coming?" He was asking Lissa, but he glanced at me, probably checking for some sign of weakness. He hadn't been too thrilled about me begging Hans.

"Yeah," She glanced toward the door where Dimitri was walking in, guardian free. I was glad he was off the hook. People thinking he was Strigoi probably didn't help the stupid guilt thing.

"So I guess you'll be leaving us then?" I asked Lissa coolly. Damn it, I needed to stop being so petty. But it was Dimitri...

She frowned and looked at me for the first time. She'd done a pretty good job of covering up her puffy eyes. I wondered if Dimitri thought she was pretty in that dress. Why didn't I wear a dress?

"I suppose I am."

"Obviously."

"Yeah, I'm sure we'll have a_ grand_ old time."

"Of course. You _are _the one who saved him." My voice raising a little louder than her delicate whisper.

"Rose, don't make a scene." She crossed her arms over her chest and glanced around.

"A scene? Wouldn't want to embarrass you, _Princess_." I raised my eyebrows it fake outrage.

"Rose, you're being so ridiculous."

"You'd better run along to Dimitri before careless Rose makes a scene." I looked at my nails, pretending to be bored.

With that, she sighed and walked away quickly. I wondered if she would tell him what I said. I didn't even care... yeah, I actually did. Crap.

"What the hell was that about?" Said Adrian, looking amused, as if this was just a friendship fight that would be fixed in an instant.

"Nothing, just looking out for the princess." I rolled my eyes.

He looked kind of shocked that I would be saying that about Lissa, and it pissed me off. I couldn't tell him about Dimitri though, so I tried to smile cheerfully. "It's fine, nothing you should worry about."

Just then, Adrian's dad started talking and everyone started to form a circle around a large fire in the middle of the room. It reminded me of some sort of tribal gathering. I walked over with Adrian, but I watched the event through Lissa's eyes.

The ceremony was weird, but probably not the weirdest thing I've done. I've learned to expect the unexpected at the court by now. Wine was passed around, and every time they said a name, we had to take a sip. I hoped my body was good at going through the motions, because I was too busy going through Lissa's head.

She was mad at me, but more at herself. She felt really guilty about staying at Dimitri's, and I took some cruel pleasure in that. She was hoping that I wasn't reading her mind, because she didn't want me to know she was sorry. She occasionally tried to put up a shield just in case, but she was too weak. Normally that would have worried me, but she seemed pretty stable. She mostly thought about Christian. She was deliberately trying not to pay attention so she didn't hear his name called.

"Lissa, are you okay?" Dimitri whispered to her. Her face looked deep in concentration. Hey! When did he start calling her Lissa? What's wrong with Vasilisa?

"Yeah, yeah, I'm perfectly fine." She smiled at him, and personally, I thought her smile was a little too pretty to be wearing around Dimitri.

"You don't look like it." I didn't enjoy the concern in his voice, but I was grateful for this chance to look at him up close.

"Neither do you." She stated dryly. Good point.

I pulled out of her head, deciding that this wouldn't get me anywhere right now. Right when I came back to myself, they said Christian's name. Lissa looked at me, and I met her eyes for a second before she looked down.

Before I knew it, the weird name thing was over, and I felt kind of guilty that I didn't pay attention to anything. These were guardians that I had known. Maybe it was spirit just making me irritable. Then a thought occurred to me. _Note to self; keep taking spirit so Dimitri wouldn't worry about her so much. Oh gosh... What was wrong with me?_

I followed everyone else and dumped the rest of the wine into the fire.

"So," Adrian said as we moved back toward the snack table. "What did you think?"

"It was, um, cool."

"Save it, Rose. You weren't even paying attention." He chuckled. "What am i going to do with you?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm a bad influence." I flirted with him, hoping Dimitri was watching.

"Maybe." He smiled and reached for another glass. When he turned to face me, the smile was gone though. "How is she?"

"She's..." I wasn't sure what to say, and again I felt guilty for not comforting her about Christian. I tried to shake it off.

"Yeah." He shook his head. "I can tell. Her aura is as dark as yours." His voice told me this wasn't a good sign. Choosing to be difficult, I took it as an insult to my guardian skills.

"Well, I'm trying to take the darkness! There's only so much I can do, you know!" I said defensively.

He raised his hands and shrugged. "It's not your fault, I'm just saying."

"I know, sorry." I glanced across the room at Dimitri, who was now standing alone. I wanted to run to him, but then Adrian caught my hand. Damn, there were only so many problems I could focus on at one time.

I checked the bond, just to see where she was, and she was heading down a long hallway toward the bathroom. I pulled away as Tasha Ozera came to congratulate me about the fight.

I hardly thought I deserved it, but I don't know. If she was upset over Christian, she didn't really show it. "You were fearless." She went on. "Those are the kind of guardians we need." Was this really the best place to be talking about this?

"Um, thanks." I said awkwardly. If I was such a good guardian, Christian would be here and I wouldn't be facing nearly as many problems right now.

Apparently Tasha's congrats wasn't so weird though, because I received a number of them throughout the night. I learned that normally, Dhampirs weren't allowed at these things, but they'd decided to let us in because only five of us survived the attack. It was nice to know dhampirs got some appreciation though, even if it involved weird fires and circles of Moroi down in a cellar.

I also noticed, from the glances I stole, that Dimitri was receiving a lot of praise too. The Moroi weren't scared of him, they were fascinated. He was a miracle after all. He accepted the compliments with the poise and dignity that I always loved when I watched him talk to other guardians at St. Vlad's. I couldn't help but notice he kept glancing toward the door, waiting for Lissa to return. _Gosh, there was no way this was actually happening to me..._

"Ready to go?" Adrian asked, looking bored with all the proper royal stuff. I was grateful.

"Yes, please." He led us out and up the steps. The night air felt so fresh. The sun was almost all the way down, and I could see the stars coming out.

"Should we have waited for Lissa?"

"No." I replied, and he raised his eyebrows. "I mean she's with Dimitri, and the other Royals. She's fine."

"Alright, I'll take your word for it..."

I froze. Yes, we should have waited for Lissa, because she was not with the other Royals, and she most certainly was _not_ fine.

"Adrian! We have to go back!"

"What?"

"It's Lissa." I said, before taking off running as fast as I could. I might have been mad at her, but that was stupid jealousy. I would never, _ever_ wish for her death.

**Whew, talk about a cliff hanger! Stay tuned to see what happens next! - *R*E*V*I*E*W* = soon chapter :)**


	5. The connection lingers, but love fades

*** Rose ***

There was blood. So much blood. It trailed out of the pink stalls and across the clean white floor to wear Dimitri was holding Lissa.

He had his arm awkwardly draped around her waist while trying to bend her so that both arms would be under the sink. I ran toward him, and without any communication, we both know what to do. He scooped her up in his arms like she weighed nothing and leaned one arm over the sink so I could wash it off. I gasped when I saw the cuts. I saw them through the bond, but they seemed ten times worse in person. They were the kind of cuts that danced on the edge of suicide. On the edge of insanity.

I tried to keep a neutral expression, typical for a guardian, as I gently rubbed off the blood. I really wanted to puke though. Lissa tried to kill herself, and I wasn't there to stop her beforehand. My hands shook.

When I finished one arm, I moved to the other. This one was even worse. There were three cuts on this arm, and they wouldn't stop bleeding. She was loosing way too much blood and we needed to get her to the hospital. I wrapped some paper towels around them and the blood soaked right through. The other arm was still bleeding, and I was beginning to think that I might actually pass out.

Dimitri, of course, looked as strong and untouchable as ever; I wondered what it would take for him to change that seemingly permanent hard expression. What, this wasn't a big enough event?

"She needs stitches." I tell him, but he already knew.

"Get the jacket." His duster was lying on the floor next to a pink couch that looked way too fancy to be in a dungeon bathroom.

He helped me get Lissa into the long duster because we both knew that it would be the center of gossip that the Dragomir princess slit her wrists at the Death Watch. Plus, the smears of blood on her legs and face probably weren't a pretty sight for stuck up royals.

Dimitri picked her up again, and a memory burned from somewhere deep inside. Dimitri carried me when that crazy bitch, Natalie, attacked me and he carried me when I broke my ankle on the rotten wood at school. _I guess those days are over._

I held open the door.

Okay, this was not a sight I expected. Everyone was leaving the party room in a hurry, and they were all crowding into the hall we just entered. "Shit." I muttered.

But to my surprise, they didn't even spare us a second glance. I blinked a few times. Some were screaming, some were crying. Did somebody get thrown into the fire or something? I caught Tasha's arm as she ran out. She didn't look scared, but there was sweat on her pale, scarred face.

"What's going on?"

She looked around fast and then back to me. "There was another attack."

"Where?" I asked, thinking everyone was freaking out for no reason. Too many wards protected the court.

"Not even five minutes away. About twenty new guardians were coming in, and all were killed except four."

I said a few words that would score me a double detention back at school. "Where's everyone going?"

"We need to evacuate the entire court!" She said, backing away, no doubt fully ready to jump into the middle of a fight.

"They can't get in." I said, sounding like a five year old.

"Rose, I don't think you understand. There are about eighty Strigoi outside the gates, and they have humans."

**Sorry this chapter was really short! It's because i want the next one to be from the beloved Dimka's point of view ;) I promise ch.6 is coming soon, because I've left you with another cliff hanger! ~Review~**


	6. The Royal's Retreat

**Long chapter to make up for the last short one. Enjoy! btw thanks for your reviews, I love them :) **

*** Dimitri ***

Even though the entire Moroi court was under attack, I was still conscious of the lifeless girl in my arms. As ashamed as I was about this, the only person i cared to protect right now was her. I didn't want anything to ever to happen to her on my watch. I should have gone with her, or checked sooner, or...something..

"You guys need to move. There's an evacuation plan." Tasha called over her shoulder as she ran away from us. I was glad she didn't ask about Lissa.

Everything was kind of a blur as i followed Rose through the crowd. She was fearless, something of a faraway dream for me. Now, I had many fears. My biggest being that Lissa was going to be taken away from me. I couldn't let that happen. I needed her so much, everytime she was with me i felt whole again. Almost happy. Like no one was judging me, or my actions.

We followed the frantic Moroi into the "throne room" and through a hidden door under one of the banners. The guardians were trying to calm them down, but even they were shaken up. The main guardians were separating us into groups. Royals through one door and non-royals through the other, In my opinion, this wasn't fair at all, but this was no time for a protest. No one spared a second glance for Lissa, and i was glad. I didn't want people to talk bad about her.

"Rose!" Adrian Ivashkov said breathlessly and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm so glad your okay."

"What is going on? How the hell do they expect to get us out of here?"

"Just wait. Somebody will come and tell you who your charge is, and then you'll leave with them."

"Charge?"

"Um, yeah, they're going to need all the guardians they can get."

Rose nodded seriously.

"What happened to her?" Adrian raised his eyebrows, and I was surprised he didn't ask before. He must really love Rose a lot. Good, she deserved that kind of love, and I could no longer give it to her.

"She-"

"Rose, Belikov," Hans interrupted. He was holding a clipboard so tight that his knuckles were going white. "Your charge is Vasilisa Dragomir, naturally. You will be going in car sixteen, get a move on." Wow, that worked out nice. Somewhere deep inside my head, I was leaping for joy. Rose looked at me skeptically.

Rose was about to say something, probably going to beg to get a new charge, but I cut in. "Where can we get medical help?"

Hans eyed Lissa, not looking surprised at all, and pointed to the far corner of the room where some doctors were trying to calm down hysterical patients. "Thanks." Rose said flatly.

We maneuvered through the crowd, and the doctor didn't even ask us what happened. I had to give him props, he did a pretty good stitch job in a room full of crowded, paranoid people. By the time he was done, the room was almost empty.

We followed some stragglers through another door and down more steps than the ones for the Death Watch. Rose kept a hard expression, and I was proud that she wasn't scared. But I couldn't help but think that Lissa and I contributed to some of the coldness…

"Come on! Where were you?" A guardian said, standing outside a black van with a white number 16 painted on the side.

"I'm sorry, Dan. We got held up." Rose said coolly and got into the car. The bucket seats were full, and Adrian took shotgun, so Rose, Lissa, and I took the back. I was curious to see how they would manage to have us all escape without any trouble from Strigoi. It wouldn't matter though, because I was ready for anything.

Lissa sat in between Rose and I, and she was still out cold. I wondered if it was a bad sign that she hadn't woken up. How much time had passed anyway?

Dan sped out of the little underground parking space and down a hill. How deep underground were we? There were no lights in the tunnel except for the ones on the car. I assumed the other cars were far ahead of us.

No one spoke in the car, and I found it hard to keep my eyes open. Of course the only time that I would be able to get some sleep would be now, in the middle of a horrible situation. I tried to care that people were in danger, but I couldn't really feel anything right now. Numb. I had an urge to put an arm around Lissa, but I fought it. I just always wanted to be close to her and make sure she was okay.

I wished there was something to look at outside to distract me. Maybe I should count to stay awake…

_One…two…three… Lissa's head is on your shoulder… four… five… six… keep your eyes open!.. seven… eight… nine… Stay awake! None of the other guardians are sleeping! Even Rose is awake!... ten... eleven… Lissa… twelve… Stop thinking about Lissa! _

Oh my God. This was not working. A million thoughts swirled in my head and I felt sick to my stomach. I was never this weak in my life. Maybe I could distract myself from Lissa and keep myself awake by trying to evaluate the situation.

Okay, so the Strigoi had humans with them. There's no way they could stake every ring. But still, they were smart by getting us out of there. I'm very surprised they already has guardian assignments. Surely they assigned me to Lissa before the…um… incident, but it still worked out. I don't know if Rose was too thrilled to be paired with me though. Was I too harsh with her in the courtyard? I never wanted to hurt her, but I couldn't hold any romantic ties to her anymore. Not after Russia. I wanted her to be happy with Adrian, because I didn't feel the same way anymore. I wished I did for her sake, but I was a total wreck right now. The only thing I was absolutely positive of is that Lissa is keeping me sane. It just feels like she knows…

_Now I was thinking about her again?_

I sighed loudly, and I could barely make out when Rose's glance flitted to me. I was loosing control. Could she tell?

Okay, new plan. Focus on the quiet… the darkness… the…

* * *

_I was walking on some cobblestone path that I had never seen before. It was snowing, but I didn't feel the cold. _

_ The air was filled with a sweet melody that had always sent comfort through me. My mother always used to sing me to sleep with this when I was young. _

_ I looked down and noticed my old church clothes from when I was a little boy. I bent down and tied one of the shoelaces that came undone. My hands were small and soft. _

_ When I stood up again, a bridge was there, and the singing was louder. _

_ "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray." _

_ The sweet voice filled my ears and sent warmth all the way down to my toes. It was not my mother's voice, but I was drawn to it just the same. I needed to get across the bridge for some reason. _

_ I ran on my young legs to where the bridge began, and stopped before I layed a foot on it. _

_ I was scared. _

_ What's on the other side? _

_ I peered through the falling snow and saw a small figure on the other end. She was facing away from me and her blond hair blew softly in the wind. I remembered that dress she was wearing. Light blue, white lace… my sister's church clothes. _

_ I wasn't my sister though, it was, "Lissa?" I called, but just then the snow started coming down heavier. The wind began to howl, and my voice was lost. _

_ I ran across the bridge, suddenly scared to be alone. "Lissa!" A youthful voice called._

_The second I got the other side, the wind was gone. The soft, light snow was back. Lying on the ground where the child form of Lissa had been standing, was the blue ribbon that had been in her hair. _

_ An eerie voice finished the song, "Please don't take my sunshine away."_

_

* * *

_

I jolted upright and gritted my teeth. My face was covered in sweat but I felt cold. How long was I asleep?

Lissa finally woke up when I jumped. She looked at me, then Rose, then wrapped her arms around herself so she wasn't touching either of us. I wanted to hold her and tell her it was okay, but I just sat there.

Rose was watching me expectantly. This was really awkward.

When I didn't do anything, she sighed and pulled Lissa to her. I turned and looked at the black outside the window, but I heard their whispered conversation.

"I'm sorry, Rose."

"It's okay, Liss. I'm sorry I got so mad. He can decide what he wants."

What were they talking about?

"No! I didn't mean-"

"Shh, it doesn't matter." Rose sighed again. "It's fine." Whatever it was didn't sound fine. There was hurt in both voices.

_Stop being nosey Dimitri… Just stay awake like a good guardian. One… two… three…_

_

* * *

_I had no clue how much time it took for us to get to where we were going, but I was sure glad when we got there. I practically jumped out of the car. "Where are we?" I asked Dan.

"We're at the Ivashkov Manor. This is the plan B for the royals."

"What about the non-royals?"

"They are dispersed throughout human society all around the world." Dan shrugged like it was no big deal. How could they think that a royal life was more important than a non-royal life? All life had value! I knew that...

"Oh, that makes sense."

We walked up even more steps, and I prayed I would get to see a little sunlight. When we got to the top it looked like we were right outside a huge dinning hall or something. There were little circular tables all around a polished marble floor, and royals from court were already eating and talking. Some looked scared, and some looked more relaxed. When we walked through the door, a Moroi man, non-royal I'm guessing, checked our names off a clipboard. "Yep, you guys are the last ones. Table 17."

We walked across the floor to a table with the number seventeen painted on a large card. I pulled out Lissa's chair for her and Rose glared at me. The guardians that came with us in the car were gone with other charges probably, so the only people at the table were Lissa, Rose, Adrian, and I. There was food in front of us, but nobody ate except Adrian.

"Am I missing something?" He looked around at us, confused.

"What?" Rose stopped staring off into space. "Oh, no." She started quickly eating bites of food. "Just tired I guess."

"Okay... So what happened to you Lissa?" He whispered.

No one said anything.

"Nothing," Rose came to the rescue again. "She's fine."

Lissa gave Rose a weak smile.

Adrian looked like he wanted to say something, but he was cut off by Tatiana's superior voice as she sat down at our table with her two guardians. "Hello Adrian, Lissa." What were Rose and I, chopped liver?

"Hello, your majesty." Lissa said.

"Hey." Adrian said.

We awkwardly stared at each other for a few more minutes until Hans' voice quieted down the room. "Attention everyone! Welcome to the Old Ivashkov Manor. You have all been sent here to assure your safety from the Strigoi at court. We can promise that they will be taken care of immediately though. In order to keep track of everyone, you have all been assigned guardians, a schedule, and a group. The people at your table are your group, and you will be doing daily activities with them during your stay here." Sounds a lot like summer camp to me.

There were mummers in the crowd, and Hans looked uncomfortable. "We have planned for this, so there will be many things to here. Don't worry about anything, just think of this as a vacation." A vacation. That was kind of inappropriate if you ask me. "Your schedule and your room numbers can be found at your table. You have all been given a few outfits to wear, and there are a few places to acquire more clothes if you wish. Enjoy your stay." I thought this was a mansion, or a castle? Why were there were stores in it? _Stop questioning everything Dimitri, it's really annoying. Annoying to who? You! Who am I talking to? Oh my God... _

Wow, my group was sure a lively bunch. I was feeling extremely irritable for some reason...probably because of my constant internal disputes and my scrutinization of every stupid detail. We finished our meal in silence and then went our separate ways to our room. I wondered idly why Adrian wasn't assigned any guardians. Probably because he wanted free reign to visit the bar when he wanted.

Rose, Lissa and I walked into the room. There was one single bed for the Moroi, one single trundle bed, and one chair for the guardian on watch. "I'll take the first shift." Rose said quickly.

"No, I will." I challenged. I felt like suck a slacker, and being Rose, she was going to try to one up me.

"Please, I think I can handle this." She walked into the bathroom and came out with a packet of razors they gave us. "Just go to bed." She snapped and put the razors in an empty drawer of the mahogany dresser that was closest to the guardian chair. Oh God... she was keeping them from Lissa. Why didn't I think of that?

"Guys, why don't you both go to bed. You need the rest more then me. I'll be fine." Lissa shrugged and actually smiled angelically. She sat down pretzel legged on the velvet cushioned seat that was attached to the bay window on the far side of the room. This room was fancy. If every room was furnished like this... that was an expensive backup plan.

"No!" We both said at the same time. No way we were leaving this girl in a room stocked with razors.

She shrugged off the duster and folded it in her lap. I tried not to look at the stitched cuts. "I guess I owe you guys an apology about earlier... or yesterday... I have no clue what time it is. But the point is, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.."

"You don't have to apologize to us Vasya..oh, I mean Lissa. We just want to protect you." Damn it, I accidentally used her Russian nickname.

Rose looked pissed. "Come on Liss, it's fine. But you should really let me take some of the-"

"No! It's fine, I can handle it, really. I don't know what happened back there."

"Okay..." Rose looked skeptical. "Both of us aren't going to sleep though."

"Don't you trust me?"

"We are your guardians, Liss. This is doing our job. So that means that you and Dimitri go to sleep."

"No, it means you and Lissa go to sleep." I countered.

Her soft tone that she'd been using with Lissa was gone. "What? You think I'm not capable of this, Dimitri?"

"No! I just-"

"You're just going to sleep while I guard." She was always so stubborn. Two can play at that game.

"Fine, if you stay awake, I will too."

"Stop acting like such a child!"

I think my mouth actually dropped open. "A child? Rose, this is your first day as a guardian and you think you know everything?" Okay, that was unfair, she did kill a lot of Strigoi...

"Can't believe you just said that." She said quietly. Oh no... I hurt her... I keep hurting everyone...

"Rose-"

"Fuck you."

"But-"

"I'm staying awake, Dimitri." She crossed her arms and got comfortable in the chair.

I sat down on the trundle bed. "So am I."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Liss, you should sleep."

"I can't." Rose sighed, very annoyed.

"Fine, looks like none of us will be getting any sleep at this little slumber party."

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	7. You were just my past

**Long chapter! I'm really excited, I have good ideas for what's coming next. i hope you guys like it, thanks for reading! **

*** Rose ***

Eventually Lissa fell asleep, thank God. It wouldn't do the three of us any good to stay up and argue all night, but with Dimitri and I, it was inevitable.

"Rose?" He whispered.

"What?"

"Do you want me to see if I can get assigned to somebody else?"

"You can do whatever you want, I'm not your mom."

"Roza, please don't act like this."

"Don't call me Roza, Belikov. It's now guardian Hathaway. I graduated, remember?"

"But-"

"Just stop talking before you wake up Lissa and this becomes a three way argument."

"Are you angry with Lissa?"

"I'm angry with you."

"I know."

It was quiet for a very long time. I listened to the ticking of the clock and Lissa's breathing.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I just…"

"I know. I can see through the bond, you know. _Your not ready to love again_." I mimicked in a childish voice. "Yet your all over Lissa."

"There's nothing going on between Lissa and I. She is just helping me."

"Look at her, Dimitri. Does it look like she's capable of helping anyone? She's going crazy."

"I can-"

"You can't do anything. I can do everything. But she won't let me." I took pleasure out of interrupting him. I honestly had no desire to hear what he had to say about the situation. I'll be the judge of that.

"You don't even want to help her." He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You think you know me, now?"

"I do know you_, Guardian Hathaway_."

"No, not anymore. I want to help her, she's my friend." I said defensively. Did I want to help her? Yes, but… why did I think she deserved this? She didn't…. but then again, she wasn't doing anything to help me with Dimitri. Maybe I'll talk to her about it… I shouldn't start yelling again. Then she might go looking for other razors.

"Okay."

"You don't believe me."

"I always believe what you say." The way he said that made me shiver. Why was he talking like this? If there was no future between us, then why did this feel so familiar?

"For God sakes Dimitri, go to bed. Your shift is coming soon." I crossed my arms in a show of indifference.

He looked at me and I wanted to hold him so badly. His eyes were filled with so much fear and sadness. But then he rolled over and went to sleep, leaving me to my thoughts. This was going to be a long night.

After a few thousand years, my head snapped up when Dimitri screamed. And I mean _screamed. _

"Dimitri, wake up!" I whispered awkwardly, getting down on my knees beside the mattress. In the old days I would have crawled up beside him, but…

He thrashed underneath the blankets. "You're just having a bad dream." I whispered, barely audible.

Lissa rolled over, but didn't wake up. I was secretly glad, _I_ wanted to comfort him.

I put one knee on the mattress and he flung his arms over in my direction and his hands grabbed onto my arm. He pulled me down next to him and snuggled up against me, wrapping his arms so tight that I couldn't get out. Did I want to get out? Answer: hell no.

But I had to.

I struggled but his arms just became tighter. He smelled the way I've always remembered. I wanted to cry when I thought about what would never be. He said there was nothing romantic with him and Lissa, but would this be them one day? Could one last time like this really hurt?

I snuggled into him and told myself not to think about anything.

* * *

"Erm...Rose..." Lissa was standing over me, already dressed with her hair straightened. I blinked a few times.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, I wouldn't have woke you, but Adrian is at the door, and I thought you might want to, you know, break up with him before he sees you guys...uh, like this." She was trying not to laugh. Through the bond, I could tell that she thought Dimitri and I had gotten back together last night. She was happy for me. _So I guess she wasn't trying to steal him after all... why would she ever do that to me? No, she wouldn't. I was going to ask her to talk to Dimitri about us today, and I'll bet she'd have no problem helping us get back together._

I rolled over and looked at Dimitri, who had his arm draped over my waist. Adrian knocked again, and Dimitri's eyes opened immediately. "Shit!" I yelled and sprang out of the bed, while he practically fell out the other side.

"Am I missing something?" Lissa asked.

"Why didn't you wake me up for my shift?" Dimitri demanded. I ignored him and went opened the door, making a point of giving Adrian a kiss as he came in.

"Wait, I thought-" Lissa began.

"So, whose ready for breakfast?" I interrupted.

"You guys missed breakfast! It's one oh clock! time for lunch." Adrian tapped his watch, still looking bewildered at that fact that I voluntarily gave him a kiss. I hoped he thought I was over Dimitri.

I hoped I wasn't blushing. I had no reason to be, it was Dimitri who grabbed _me_ after all.

"Oh, my bad. I guess I was just tired." Dimitri laughed nervously and got up from the floor. "I'll be ready in one second." He said as he shut the door to the bathroom. I glared. I was about to shower! I don't know if this sharing a bathroom thing was going to work.. _If we were still a couple we wouldn't have to take turns.. Damn it! How could everything have changed so fast?_

_"_Um, Rose, are you okay?" Adrian asked. "You look like your about to murder someody."

I snapped out of it. "Oh yeah! Psh, I'm totally okay. Can we meet you at lunch? I need to talk to Lissa."

"Um, sure. Don't kill anybody."

"No promises." I winked as he closed the door. I liked how no matter how bad the situation got, I could still tease Adrian.

I waited until I heard the shower running to begin. "Liss, can I ask you a favor?"

She looked delighted that I was even talking to her. "Sure, anything. I'm still really sorry for-"

"It's fine, just please don't scare me like that again, ok?"

She sighed, "I don't... I'll try."

"At least tell me so I can stop you?"

"Deal." She said sheepishly. "Now what was that favor?" She said, eager to change the subject. Okay, I got my best friend back, now I'm free to work on the love of my life.

"Could you maybe..like, talk to Dimitri, about me?"

"But I thought that-"

"No, we didn't get back together. He just grabbed me in his sleep. But Lissa, if your my best friend, then you have to help. Please try to get him to.. I don't know.. give me a chance." I was out of breath from talking so fast. I surprised myself by how much I wanted this.

"I don't know Rose..."

"Come on! Please help me Lissa. I brought-" I bit my tounge. I almost said that I brought Christian back to her after he died. I don't think she noticed my slip though.

"Okay. I'll try. But what if it doesn't work?"

"Hey, it's worth a try. He's everything to me."

* * *

Lunch was very quiet. The only conversation that took place was between Adrian and Tatiana. I couldn't help but find it a tad weird that the queen was at a table with four random people like us. I was guessing this had something to do with Adrian.

"Well, I'm off to a meeting. I trust you won't sleep through dinner?" She asked us, attempting a joke but coming across dead serious.

"No, your majesty." Lissa said with a sweet smile.

"So, what's first on the list?" I picked up the schedule that somebody put on our table for us.

"Actaully Rose, could I possibly take a walk with you for a while?"

"But what about the schedule?" I asked. Then Lissa told me through the bond that she would use this time to ask Dimitri about our relationship. That persuaded me.

"Hell, not even my Aunt is following this dumb thing. Please?"

"Sure." I said, acting like Adrian was the one that convinced me.

We started walking down a long hallway, and he didn't say anything for a while. I was mostly tuned into Lissa so I could watch the conversation unfold. I wish I could coach her from my head.

"So," Adrian began, snapping me out of my Dimitri-consumed thoughts, "Lissa cut herself again?"

"Yeah..."

"You guys were in a fight, so that's why you didn't stop her?"

"Are you asking me, or just trying to make me feel bad?"

"I'm just saying. I'm really worried about her. Her aura used to be a vibrant gold, and it's now jet black rimmed with muddy brown."

"I know." I said definsively. We sat on some fancy chairs in some sort of quiet parlor room with only a few other poeple. I sighed and tried to not get angry. "I know. I'm trying. She's blocking everything from me."

"Too much spirit."

"I know."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"She's not five, Adrian!" I bursted out. Why did she need people to take care of her anyway? Wasn't she old enough by now that she could do it?

"Calm down, Rose. I was only asking. I just don't want her to..."

"Neither do I." I whispered. Wow, I really needed to get my emotions under control here. If Dimitri and I did get back together, I bet we would be one hell of an emotional roller coaster. "She's with Dimitri, he'll keep her safe for now."

"Which means," He grabbed my hand and started playing with my fingers. "That we can be alone for a while."

"Will Hans get on us about the schedule?" I asked, not really caring. I just felt like I was stringing Adrian along. Oh wait, I was. Gosh, does anyone else want to add anything to Rose Hathaway's truckload of worries?

"Since when did you care about Hans?"

"Oh, yeah." I laughed it off.

"So..." Adrian started, but I wasn't listening anymore. I dove into Lissa's head, because I felt guilt seeping through the bond.

* * *

_"You should talk to Rose..." She wasn't sure how to bring it up, and she was afraid she would mess something up. Well, honestly I don't think my life could get more messed up at this point. _

_"Vasya, I told you. I just can't let things go on how they were. I've changed." I winched at her Russian nickname, but I kept watching, intruiged. _

_"But Dimitri, you have to feel something, anything for her. You couldn't have lost everything you once had." She bit her lip, afriad to make him uncomfortable. He didn't seem to mind though, he still had a warm, friendly look in his eyes._

_"I don't love her anymore. I've tried. I've tried to bring back the old feelings. I'm not just pushing her away, I swear. It's just... I don't feel that way. The love just..faded." The look in his eyes showed me that he was telling the entire truth. I felt numb for a second, and I couldn't stop watching this nightmare unfold. _

_"But you have to. She brought you back because she loves you." _

_"You brought me back."_

_"She did all of the work." Lissa was considering using compulsion on him. _

_"I know what you're trying to do, but just don't. Just don't do it. She was the past." _

_"What about your future? Who else is there that really understands you like she does?" _

_"You." He said simply, not missing a beat. Did somebody just stab me in the chest?_

_"Yeah, but eventually you're going to have to find somebody to actually be with... you know..." She knew where this was going, and she didn't know how to stop it. She could easily see how he felt, and I could too. _

_"No, I'm perfectly fine devoting my life to guarding." _

_"Guarding me? With Rose there?" _

_"It's not like we hate each other." He shurgged. How could he be so indifferent. Ouch, there was that stupid stabbing pain again. _

_"She's hurting." _

_"So are you." _

_"We aren't talking about me." She ran her fingers through her hair again and again because she was nervous. Did he think it was flirting? _

_"Well, I want to help you the way you helped me." Dimitri was intensly staring at her now. They were still sitting at the table, their chairs drawn close together. They were leaning in, both trying to figure the other one out. That should be me... _

_"I'm fine. Christian is dead. There is nothing I can do about it." She said, her face looking perfectly calm. It was kind of creepy how serene she was right now. The calm before the storm, maybe. I wanted to pull out, and forget about them, but I just couldn't. I was waiting for her to tell him off for me. _

_He raised his arm, as if to reach out to her, but quickly drew it away. _

_"So, yeah. No one can help me. I'm helping you and Rose." She stated, in an eerie voice. _

_"This is unnessecary, Vasya. We are done." He whispered. Did their heads get closer together again? LISSA TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF ALREADY! _

_"No..." There was no fight left in her. Her thoughts were clouded over by Christian's pale body lying on the ground. _

_"Yes." He whispered. "We are your guardians, we want to help you." _

_"We weren't talking about me." She mummered, closing her eyes and trying to hide the tears. _

_"We should be."_

_"No, I owe this to Rose." She still had her eyes closed. _

_"She can't control how I fe-"_

_Her eyes snapped open. "Stop! Don't say that Dimitri! Your lying, your not serious, you love Rose!" She started to get up, but he grabbed her hand. _

_"I told you I don't love her!" My chest hurt from all the stab wounds. Too bad these couldn't be patched up with bandages. _

_"You do-" It was too late. I died inside as he whipped her back down and brushed his lips against hers. _

_"What are you doing?" She gasped and wiped her mouth. _

_"Prooving that Rose and I are over." _

_"I'm leaving." He stood up with her. "Leave me alone." _

_"But I have to guard you." _

_"Take the damn razors out of the room and leave me alone." She ran back to the room, threw the razors in the hallway, and slammed the door. _

_"Rose, Rose I'm sorry!" She didn't register that I could hear her thoughts so she cried into a pillow out loud. "I know you saw, but it's not what you think, I swear. I wasn't trying to-"_

* * *

I got out. It's not what I think? It's exactly what I think.

"Rose?" Adrian asked, "Is Lissa okay?"

"Lissa is just grand!" I jumped out of my chair. "Lissa is completely okay! Isn't this great? Let's just rejoice!" I threw my arms in the arm hysterically.

"Rose, what's going on?" He stood up too, and the few people in the room were staring at us.

"What about me? Who the hell is going to take care of me? Nobody! Nobody will ever take care of me! Is Rose okay? Who fucking cares?" And then I ran. i couldn't hold it in any longer. I found an empty room full dusty book shelves and cried. Cried for the loss of Dimitri, my best friend, and my life that I would forever spend with the two people that betrayed me when I thought I could trust them.

Adrian found me in a about ten minutes though. He came over and sat of the floor with me and pulled me into his arms. "Shhh. It's okay. I care about you, Rose. I care a lot."

I didn't respond, I just cried more. It's been a long while since I've cried like this. I guess it was all just building up. What would happen after this? Would I ask for a new charge? Would Lissa ask for new guardians? I didn't want to think about anything right now. I buried my face in Adrian's chest, and he just stroked my hair until I couldn't cry anymore.

"Rose?"

"Hmm."

"I don't know if this helps, but... I love you. I will always care about you, even when you think nobody does." He said quietly. I had honestly been expecting him to make some joke about the situation, but he was dead serious. I looked up and he wiped a tear from my cheek.

"Thank you...I'm sorry...about...this.."

"Don't apologize, Rose. It's about time I made my self useful." I couldn't help but smile. "Now there's the smile I love."

I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"I'm guessing you don't want to go back."

"Hell no."

Long silence.

"Is this because of Belikov? Sorry if you don't want to talk about it.."

"Let's just put it this way Adrian, you don't have to worry about me leaving you for him." I laughed bitterly. "But no, this isn't only because of him."

"Then-"

"How about we talk about something else?"

Another long silence.

"This is kind of nice, I haven't spent time with you alone in a while." He stroked my cheek.

"Yeah, it is." I was surprised that I actually meant it. I felt comforted by his presence. _Hey... I wonder.._.an evil thought crossed my mind. I leaned up and kissed him.

"What was that for?"

"I don't know." I did it again, this time for longer.

"You don't know?" He said when I pulled away. I liked his teasing tone. I just wanted to forget everything that happened. "Doesn't Rose Hathaway always put reasons behind her actions?"

I ran my hand through his hair. "Do you know me at all?"

He kissed me. "Okay, not reasons, secret motivations is more like it."

"Nope, none of that here." Yes, just one. Forget about Dimitri and everything that has to do with him. I pressed my lips to his, not breaking away for a very long time.

* * *

It was almost dinner time when I walked back to my room. I kept replaying the scene. Adrian's face, worried about me, but happiness in his eyes when he asked, "Are you sure?"

I wanted to say no, I was not sure. I was not sure of anything. But I heard something different come out of my mouth. "Yes, positive."

It felt different with him, and now instead of feeling better, I longed for Dimitri. I thought about the night in the cabin. How any other time ever compare to that? Well, I guess I was going to have to get used to it. At least Adrian cared about me.

When I got to the room, the door was open. I silently peered in, hoping not to walk in on something that I would rather not see. Instead, I saw something weird.

Lissa was standing on the ledge of the third story bay window. The window was open, and the curtains swayed softly in the breeze. There were no lights on in the room, and the sun was setting. I could make out Dimitri standing next her holding out his hand. I just watched, waiting to see if she would jump.

"Vasya, don't jump. I'm sorry. That was completely out of line."

"It's not your fault, it's only mine."

"No, it was me. I kissed you. I will tell Rose what happened." He pleaded.

"Rose already knows." She said in her eerie voice she'd used earlier. "She knows everything."

I wanted to walk in and tell her that she was being stupid, but my jealously kept me standing right there.

"Lissa, come down from there. Please." He was begging her.

"I...can't..." She didn't look down, just out to the red sky.

"Christian wouldn't want you to do this. He would want you to stay here and be happy. He would tell you not to jump."

"He's not here." She moved an inch closer to the very tip of the ledge. I wondered why Dimitri didn't just grab her. Then I realized that if he made any suddenly movement, she would just go for it.

"But am I wrong?"

She didn't answer.

"We can talk about this. Rose will forgive you, she's your best friend." I would probably forgive her, but not anytime soon. I thought back to Adrian... he would also need to forgive me one day.

"I want to die." She said calmly. That one statement caused me to finally move. All the other times, she'd hurt herself, but this time the only option was death. She wouldn't live through the fall. I might hate her right now, but I was her guardian. And I also wanted her to stop acting so vulnerable. Then maybe Dimitri would lay off. I sucked in a breath and used every ounce of energy in my body and mind to suck every bit of darkness from her. I felt like I could practically see her aura returning to a vibrant gold. Mine however, became something of an endless pit of darkness. I tried to tame it. I balled my hands into fists and squeezed my eyes shut. _Don't hurt anyone, Rose. _

"Please, Lissa." His voice broke, and she finally turned around. "I need you." He said like a small child. "Christian would want you to stay."

She bit her lip, and slowly started to reach for his outstretched hand.

How could she touch him? I wanted her to fall. It would end so many problems. S_he took Dimitri. She took him from me when I loved him_. In seconds, I was on the other side of the room. My hands grabbed her frail shoulders, and I pushed her.

**Review! :)**


	8. If your afraid of the truth, just lie

**Woah thank you so much for all your reviews on the last chapter! I guess it must have been the cliff hanger? :) I'm trying this chapter from Lissa's point of view, and I'm going to try to make it good, so I hope you guys still like it. **

*** Lissa ***

Even though I was about jump off at my own free will seconds before, I was scared when I felt her hands on my back. I knew exactly what Rose had done, and I'd lost my death wish the second she did it. The problem was, she had my death wish now. I panicked. I grabbed Dimitri's hand as I fell and clung to it for dear life.

He swore in Russian as Rose tried to pry his hands off mine. She was pretty close to succeeding, I'd say. I screamed and clung to his hand, digging my nails in. He took one of his hands off mine, and for a moment I thought he was going to let me fall. But instead he turned around and slapped Rose so hard that she fell out of my view. Everything happened so fast, I felt like I couldn't keep up with it. And then I was inside, and Dimitri was locking the window and then pulling me to him.

"Are you all right?" He asked, holding my face in his hands. I just nodded dumbly. His eyes were wide and a sheen of sweat covered his face. I think he was more scared than I was about me dying.

I looked toward Rose on the floor, passed out. And then, as if the situation couldn't get any worse, there was a knock at the door. Did someone hear me scream? Probably. Dimitri took action immediately, carrying Rose into the bathroom and lying her gently on the floor. I waited until he was done to answer the door. "We are not telling anyone about this." I said, trying to sound stern. I doubt Rose actually meant to kill me..

I opened the door slowly. "Hey, Lissa. We have a surprise visitor." He grinned. I put on a happy smile and tried to stop my hands from shaking violently and my voice from quivering.

"Hey Adrian, Mrs. Hathaway. Come on in." I let them into our little, but nicely furnished room.

Dimitri was "casually" sitting in the chair reading a western novel. "Hello Guardian Hathaway, hello Adrian." He said, a little to formally. Must be the nerves. I guess that tended to happen when you saved someone from falling out of a three story window to their death two seconds ago.

"Um, Rose is in the bathroom... I'm going to tell her to hurry up." I said awkwardly. I walked to the bathroom slowly, and as soon as the door was closed, I ran to Rose and knelt beside her. "Rose," I whispered. "Please wake up. Come on, your going to get int trouble if somebody finds out."

No response.

"Rose!" I poked her in the shoulder. Ugh.

I went to the door again and cracked it. "Dimitri, I, um, need you." Adrian looked at me suspiciously, sensing something was wrong. Rose's mom just looked bored.

Dimitri came in, and instead of wasting time like me, he shook Rose. I knew that couldn't be good, but we were kinda crunched on time here. "Rose, come on."

No response.

I started pacing. "What are we going to tell them?" My voice raised in panic. I didn't want Rose to get in trouble because she took my spirit. I'm sure Hans would probably be mad that one of his guardians tried to kill their charge.

Dimitri took one of my shaking hands in his. "Just stay calm. Act like nothing is wrong. We just have to-"

"Mmmm" Rose groaned and rubbed her eyes. "Where's Dimitri..." She mumbled.

We looked at her. There was an awkward silence as the situation came flooding back to her.

"Shit!" She got up and knocked me down with a hug. "Lissa! Omigod, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Dimitri saved you right? I swear I never meant to do that I was only trying to help but I accidentally took too much and then I don't even know what happened!" She started talking so fast her sentences ran together and she was practically choking me.

"Rose, you have to be quiet! Adrian and your mom are out there!" I whispered.

She backed away really far. "I'm sorry. I just-"

"Rose, do you know how irresponsible that was?" Dimitri harshly whispered.

"I was just trying-"

"Yeah, but I had the situation under control! It was fine until you did that!" I was really embarrassed, knowing that I was actually planning on jumping out a window. The thought seemed so foolish now.

"Hey! I made a mistake okay?"

"A mistake that almost cost her life! Your supposed to be protecting her, not killing her!"

"Your not my teacher anymore, _Guardian Belikov_. I don't need you to chastise me like a little child!"

"Then stop acting like one!"

"Stop fighting!" I tried to be intimidating, but my voice just sounded scared. "It's fine! It wasn't Rose's fault. She was trying to help me."

"It's fine? You could have died! You call that fine?" Dimitri was practically yelling.

"They are going to hear us!" I whispered.

"I don't understand how you can just brush this off." He lowered his voice.

"Because she's being reasonable! I wouldn't expect you to understand." Rose said, acid dripping from every word.

"How do i not understand?" He put his hands on his hips.

"You've never had to do that before. You don't know what it's like."

"Oh, look who's coaching me on experience. You think your so grown up now?"

"Why are you treating me like a child? I've killed tons of Strigoi and traveled halfway around the world for you! There are so many things _you_ don't understand."

"Guys, let's just discuss this later." I said, trying to sound reasonable. But they didn't hear me.

"I can't believe you." He shook his head and moved toward the door.

"Yeah, I could say the same thing. How could I ever love such an ass?" Rose flipped her and looked in the mirror in horror. "Damn it! What the hell is this?" She touched her cheek where a purple mark was starting to form.

"That's what happened when you tried to get me to drop her." He said simply.

"Well you could have gone a little easier. Then again, Adrian will still think I'm beautiful." She said in a bratty voice, trying to make him jealous.

He opened the door. "Sorry about that, you know how long it takes for Rose to get ready." He narrowed his eyes as if to say: _let the games begin_.

"Unlike you, I actually care- Mom?"

"Hello, Rose. My charge wanted to come here because he thought it was the safest place, so I figured I'd drop by on my break."

"Um, cool." Rose said. "This place is certainly crawling with entertainment."

"What happened to your face?" She asked, more curious than concerned.

"I tripped and fell on Dimitri's fist." We all looked at her, surprised. Why would she say that? Was she trying to blow our cover? Adrian looked like he was about to beat Dimitri up. "What? I'm just kidding! I ran into a door."

"That doesn't sound like you." Her mom said skeptically.

"We all have our _off_ days." Dimitri said. Rose glared at him.

"Okay! Who's ready for some dinner! I'm starving!" I fake laughed and ran to the door. This was going to get worse before it got better...

* * *

Adrian looked at me skeptically all through dinner. Dimitri also seemed to be watching me. Rose stared at Dimitri angrily. Guardian Hathaway stared at Rose. Tatiana didn't realize that anything was wrong.

"Soo.." Adrian tried to make conversation.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm going back to the room." Rose pushed away from the table and practically ran away.

"Um, I think I'm going to head back to the Moroi." Rose's mom said properly. She got up and did a small bow. "Your majesty."

"Gee, look at the time." Adrian said, "I better get going to that...um... thing."

"I should go too. To check on Rose."

Tatiana glared at all of us. "Very well..."

We all got up really fast and left the awkward dinner table. I wondered how long it would be before we got back to court. Would I get to go to college on time? Just me, Rose, and Dimitri... no Christian and his guardians... I sighed as we walked back to the room. Another three way fight was probably coming.

"What's wrong?" Dimitri asked.

"Nothing."

We stopped outside the door. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have done that." He put his hands in his pockets and looked away.

"It's fine. Maybe Rose forgot." I shrugged. I was honestly more worried about Christian than about Rose. _What would he think? I couldn't even wait a month? What was wrong with me?_

"Don't worry about Rose."

"I can't help it, you know. She would have never done that to me."

"It was my fault."

"It doesn't matter." I pushed open the door. "Rose?"

"In here." She called from the bathroom.

"Rose, w- Oh, gosh." She was hunched over the toilet clutching her stomach.

"I'm fine, just don't let Dimitri-"

"What's wrong?" Dimitri came in.

"Damn it!" She started to throw up and I held her hair back. She wiped her mouth on her arm. "What is it with you guys and crowding into bathrooms?" She got up casually and went to the sink.

"Maybe you should lay down." I suggested.

"I_ supposed_ to be on duty."

"Rose, don't be stupid."

"I'm fine."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, whatever." I went into the other room and laid on the other bed, staring at the ceiling. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts for a little while.

"The schedule says that there's a movie night downstairs?" Dimitri suggested, probably referring to the fact that it was only seven oh clock and we were in for the night.

"You can go." I said, hoping he would. Every time I looked at him, I kept thinking about the kiss. Did Rose think I enjoyed that? Did I enjoy that? No, no way! What about Christian? But eventually... Ugh, this is why he needed to leave. On the bright side, at least I wasn't suicidal anymore...

"That's okay."

And then there was _another _knock on the door. "It's Adrian, should I get it?" I asked Rose.

"Yeah, sure. We can have our own little party in here." She rolled her eyes.

Instead of wasting time with greetings, Adrian just came in. "What happened earlier?"

"Nothing." We all said.

"I'm not that stupid. Rose took too much spirit, didn't she? She tried to hurt somebody?" I was glad he didn't ask who she tried to hurt.

"If you already knew, then why are you asking?" Rose flipped on the TV.

"Just to confirm, I guess."

"You've confirmed. Want to watch a movie with us?"

"Um, sure."

No one watched the movie except Adrian. Dimitri read a book, Rose fell asleep in five minutes, and I listened to my ipod and tried to look anywhere but at Dimitri's face.

"Dimitri." We all looked at Rose, who was apparently talking in her sleep. "Where's Dimitri?"

"What?" Adrian asked her, even though it was clear that she was sleeping. Dimitri tried to hide behind his book.

"Hmm... Dimitri." She mumbled.

"Well, I guess I'll go now." Adrian bit his lip and got up.

"Wait! Adrian, you don't have to-" He slammed the door behind him, but he didn't wake up Rose.

This situation was really screwed up. I rolled over and turned up my ipod. "_Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go? I was countin' on forever, now I'll never know..." _Okay, new song. "_When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now? When your gone..." _Crap.. Do. Not. Cry. I tossed my ipod to the other side of the room.

And that was how most of the night went on. Despite Dimitri's badass guarding skills, he eventually fell asleep in the chair. I tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. Dimitri was snoring. I watched how when he exhaled, a piece of hair on his cheek moved. He looked so innocent when he was sleeping. Not troubled at all... A part of me wanted to just curl up next to him and pretend I didn't have any troubles of my own.

I think it was about three in the morning when Rose woke up.

"Hey." I said flatly.

"What time is it? Why are you still awake?"

"About three. Can't sleep."

"Oh..." She looked at Dimitri. I wondered if she wanted to curl up to him too. "I'm going downstairs. Care to join?"

"Downstairs?"

"I'm hungry." I laughed at the simple statement.

"Sure."

We walked down and Rose got some donuts from the breakfast that they were already starting to set out. We sat at our usual table, both knowing that the other one didn't want to go back to the room. "I'm sorry about the kiss."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. I should have never.. I don't even know how-"

"I blame him anyway. When did he become such an ass?"

I laughed a little. "I don't know. I guess he's just trying to figure out what to do with himself."

She shook her head. "Whatever. I don't even care." But she did, it was written all over her face. It was quiet for a little bit until she asked me quietly, "Do you like Dimitri?"

"No, of course not." _Maybe, I don't know... No! No way! But... no buts! Christian! He's dead. It's only been like, a little over a week! What, it's not like your marrying Dimitri. But Rose loves him! He doesn't love her. So? So Dimitri is free! No he's not! _I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block that internal conflict from Rose.

"So he just thinks he likes you." I don't think I should remind her that there was no "thinks" about it.

"Yeah, so eventually you guys will get back together. Just give him some time." I tried to sound confident in that. I wanted them back together. _Then who would love me? Did it matter? Yes. No. _

"Maybe... Liss, I didn't mean to push you out the window."

I laughed. "I know."

We reluctantly went back to the room, but neither of us could sleep again. It looked like Rose wasn't the only one who talked in her sleep either.

"Vasya." Dimitri muttered. Rose looked at me, but I tried to act like I didn't notice. I wondered whose name I'd say if I ever got to sleep.

* * *

The next few days, we followed the stupid schedule. Movie nights, swimming, playing checkers. My, my, this was the time of my life. I mostly just thought about everything anyway. Dimitri, Christian, Rose... I never slept a wink for four days straight. At least Rose and I still went on 3 AM donut runs.

Rose threw up on the third and fourth day. I wondered if it was the flu, but she wouldn't let me heal her. She just claimed that she was fine and that this was nothing.

On what would be our fifth schedule day, Rose was very jumpy in the morning. Her eyes were wide and she fiddled nervously with her hair. Dimitri was still asleep, and we were getting ready in the bathroom.

"Liss, could you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"I need you to go get me something.."

Thinking it was medicine or something, I said "I can just heal you, you know. It's not going to take that much spirit to heal a touch of the stomach flu."

"No, it's not that. I need..."

* * *

Thank God Dimitri was still asleep when I got back. I didn't want him asking any questions. Hell, I barely knew what was going on. I waited nervously for Rose to come out of the bathroom. I didn't know from experience, but I heard these things happened much faster than they did with humans. The symptoms were stronger.

Rose slowly opened the door. She looked horrified. "Lissa."

"Yeah?" I asked, hoping for her sake that she was not about to confirm my thoughts.

"I'm pregnant."

**I don't think I did very good on this chapter, but I really hope you guys liked it anyways and continue to read it. I have some stuff planned ;) Oh, and I do not own "Just a dream" by Carrie Underwood, or "When your gone" by Avril Lavigne (the songs from Lissa's ipod) Please Review! **


	9. There goes my future

**Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter! I'm so glad you guys like it, even if Dimitri is really annoying! haha. **

**In response to a review: Dhampir girls can get pregnant, but only with Moroi guys. BUT I'M MAKING A CHANGE! Since this is a fanfiction, dhampirs and dhampirs are going to be able to have kids together. (that will come along later)  
**

*** Rose ***

I believe this might be one of the only times in my life that I was ever rendered speechless. _Pregnant? Really? How would Dimitri ever think of taking me back if I was having somebody else's kid? What would Adrian say? Would he be mad? Would Tatiana personally try to murder me? Oh God, what would my mother think? She would probably disown me! How could I guard Lissa when I was all fat and stuff? I couldn't have a baby! I'm the least responsible person on the planet! _

Lissa hugged me tightly and I tried not to wake up Dimitri with my sobs. "Shhh, Rose, it's going to be alright."

"How?" I whined hopelessly. "How is it going to be alright? My future is ruined!"

"You could just send it off to Saint Vladimir's like your mom did with you, then get right back to guarding!" She tried to sound positive. I wasn't buying it. Where would I go? What do I do?

"But now Dimitri will never take me back!"

"What about me?" Dimitri asked groggily, getting out of bed. "Whoa, what's wrong, Rose?"

"Nothing." I wiped the tears off my hot cheeks.

"It doesn't look like-"

"It's fine!" I felt like smashing something. Or dying. Either one seemed like a pretty damn good choice right now.

"Er, okay." He slowly started walking to the bathroom.

"Wait!" I jumped into front of him and slammed the bathroom door behind me. My hands were shaking like crazy and I was feeling nauseous again. I crumbled up tons of tissues and threw them away to cover up the pregnancy test and the box in the trashcan. Dimitri was going to find out eventually, but right now, no one was going to know until it was absolutely necessary. I looked in the mirror. _God, I'm such a mess. I wonder how I'll end up looking in nine months. Damn it. Someone just kill me now. _

"Is the bathroom free now?" Dimitri raised his eyebrows at me as I walked out.

"Go ahead." I said flatly.

When he was in the bathroom, Lissa sat next to me on the bed. "Are you going to tell Adrian?"

"..I don't know."

"You have to, don't you?"

"Not today. I can't." My eyes filled with tears again. I couldn't deal with this. I just wanted to curl up in Dimitri's arms and let him tell me everything was okay. The idea of telling Adrian...

"Don't cry, Rose." She wiped my eyes with her sleeve. "I understand."

"Don't tell Dimitri."

She laughed. This was so unfair. She was going to college, and Dimitri actually wanted to be around her. How did my life get so out of control?

"I won't tell anyone, Rose."

"Thanks." I muttered, and buried my face in the pillow. "Can I just stay in bed all day?"

"That's more exciting than the schedule." She tried to make a joke, but nothing would make me feel better at this point. Well, nothing but Dimitri.

"Wakey wakey!" Adrian burst through the door. Why the hell did he always come to our room? Didn't he have any other friends?

"Go away." I muttered.

"Someone's a little cranky today!" He came over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"You seem pretty happy today, Adrian." Lissa said. We haven't seen him since I apparently said Dimitri's name in my sleep. I was going to try to deny it, but now it hardly mattered.

"Yes ma'am. Tomorrow's another day!"

"Adrian, we haven't seen you for three days."

"Three days later is a new day!"

"I'm trying to sleep." I told them. Well, I didn't care if Lissa stayed but Adrian _had_ to go. I kept replaying the scene in my head. _"Are you sure?"...and then... "I love you, Roza."...and back to.. "Rose, I care about you, and I will always be here."...next... "Roza, You are so beautiful it hurts me sometimes." _

I started to cry and pulled the blanket over my face. I was so tired of holding myself together.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, stroking my hair. NO, NOTHING IS WRONG! I'M PERFECTLY FINE!

"Of course something is wrong." Dimitri spoke from across the room. When did he get out here?

Dead silence.

"Can't you tell that she's upset?" Dimitri asked Adrian, as though he couldn't believe Adrian didn't know this. Then again, no one understood me like Dimitri did.

"Yes, I can tell." Adrian spat. There goes the good mood. I peeked out from the blankets just a little bit.

"Then why did you ask?"

"Look, is there a problem, Belikov?" Adrian asked, standing up. Oh gosh, Dimitri would beat the crap out of Adrian if they got in a fist fight.

"No, of course not. Just thought you would know when something is wrong." Dimitri waved it off and started reading a western, crossing his legs arrogantly.

"Are you trying to tell me that I don't know Rose?" Adrian was getting really pissed off by Dimitri's indifferent attitude. Of all things, I thought Dimitri knew when to shut his mouth, but I guess not.

"You don't know her as well as you think you do. That's all I'm saying." Was Dimitri fighting for me or something? No, it can't be.

"Really? Is that so? Now you know what I do and don't know about Rose?"

"Did I say that?"

"Dimitri, stop. Let's just leave and let Rose get some rest." Lissa said, also probably not watching to see Adrian beaten up by a bad ass Russian guy.

"I'm not doing anything. I'm just saying that Adrian doesn't read people very well."

"Oh, so seeing auras isn't reading people, huh?"

Dimitri stood up and tucked the book into his coat pocket. "Reading people, cheating. Same difference."

"Oh, so if your so smart, what's wrong with Rose?" I should probably step in, but this was a little entertaining. Okay, a lot.

"She's hiding something." He said simply. Wow, and here I thought he was fighting for me. So much for not telling Adrian... screw you Dimitri.

"Am not." I said stubbornly.

"And now she's being defensive."

"Wow. Looks like you pay pretty close attention to someone you want nothing to do with." Oh, burrrnnnn. Wait, who's side was I on again?

Dimitri froze for a second. "I pay attention to everything. You should try it some time, it might raise your IQ a little bit. Then again, you seem pretty content at 3."

And then Adrian snapped. His fist connected with Dimitri's left cheek faster than I could blink. In all my time training with him, I could never make a scratch. And now, I got outdone by a spoiled Moroi guy. Figures.

Adrian's offense didn't last long though. Dimitri had him pinned to the ground in two seconds. Adrian was trying to punch him again, unsuccessfully of course.

"Stop it! Dimitri, get off of him!" Lissa was trying to pull Dimitri off of Adrian. She might as well have been a leaf that hit him in the wind. I reluctantly got out of bed and grabbed Dimitri's arm, pulling him away with all my strength.

"What the hell, you guys? Are we in grade school or something?" I asked as Lissa got in between the two guys who were now standing, Adrian trying to get around and land another blow.

Dimitri smirked as if to say "he started it, and I finished it".

"Bring it on, Belikov." Adrian sneered.

"I'm not going to fight you, Adrian. Fighting Moroi isn't part of my job description."

"But being a complete asshole is?"

"Adrian!" Lissa hissed.

"It's true." He crossed his arms and glared at Dimitri with pure hatred.

"You're just jealous." I gasped. Woah, I cannot believe he went there. He was supposed to be over me! What the hell was wrong with him?

"Dimitri!" I growled. "That's enough!"

"I'm leaving." Adrian announced, marching to the door and slamming it so hard that it rung in my ears afterward.

Lissa walked over to Dimitri and healed the bruise that was already forming on his cheek. I gave her a look that said "_Really_?"

_Do you want people asking questions? _She sent her thoughts to me.

I shrugged and started walking to the door, not sure where I was going.

"What was _his_ problem?" Dimitri asked. Lissa's mouth dropped open. Oh my God. Was he serious?

I whirled around and slapped him across the face. Hard. Wow, two people catching him off guard in one day. I guess he was loosing his touch. "If you know me so well, why didn't you stop_ that_ one, _Guardian Belikov_?" I said, and walked out the door.

* * *

Wow, bipolar much? One minute I wanted to curl up in his arms, and the next minute I wanted to kick his ass. He deserved it though. How could he say those things to Adrian? It's almost like he was trying to pick a fight. Why would he make a big deal about knowing me when he wanted nothing to do with me? Or did he?

"Adrian! Wait up!"

"What? Are you going to tell me how well you can predict his every move? How you guys are meant for each other?" He looked incredibly hurt.

"No Adrian. That's not what I'm going to say." I sighed. This is where I belonged now. With him. Suddenly feeling extremely tired, I sat down against the wall right there and wrapped my arms around my knees.

He looked at me for a minute, and then decided to join me.

"Dimitri should have never said those things. I just wanted to tell you that he was being stupid and you didn't deserve that."

"Rose, I try to know you. I want to be able to know you like that so badly. But you're like a giant mystery to me. And as weird as it may be, that's one of the reasons I love you so much." There it was again. The famous _I love you_. Something about his expression told me that he didn't just toss those words around.

"I don't care if you can't predict my every move. Besides, I think that's kind of creepy." Sweet, romantic, cute...

"Really?"

"Yeah. Besides," I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Dimitri is so over me anyways... I'm over him too."

"Rose, it's okay if you still love him." He sighed. It probably wasn't okay.

"I don't, trust me. He kissed Lissa, anyway." I added reluctantly, just to prove the point.

"What?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Are you-"

"I'm dating you, Adrian. Not Dimitri." I shook my head. We are over.

"I want you to be happy."

"I am."

Then it was quiet for a long time. No one passed us in the hallway, but Lissa was worried about me. I had an urge to see what Dimitri was doing through the bond, but I stayed away.

"Rose?"

"Mhmm."

"Was he right?"

"What do you mean?" I closed my eyes. _You are so beautiful it hurts me sometimes... _ My chest suddenly felt tight, and I was afraid that if I were to take a breath, a sob might come out. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was being smothered or something.

"You are hiding something important? You don't have to tell me, I was just-"

"He's right." Hey, I had to tell him sometime. Pregnant.. ugh. When can I wake up form this horrible dream? When will thing go back to how they were? I missed Dimitri's warm smile. I missed the way his hair felt when I ran my fingers through it. I missed seeing Lissa's face light up when Christian walked into the room. Hell, I even missed Christian's smartass remarks.

"Oh."

"Do you love me?" I asked suddenly. I was feeling the need for someone to just tell me that they needed me. Lately, I think I was doing all the needing.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Rose, where are you going with this?" He looked at me skeptically.

"I have to tell you something. I wanted to make sure you weren't going to... I don't know.. hate me."

"Hate you?"

"Yeah."

"Why would I-"

"I'm pregnant."

His eyes glazed over and his mouth hung open. "W-what?"

"You heard me." Ugh, I never wanted to say that again. Please let this all be a bad dream. I looked away and bit my lip.

"H-how do you know?"

"There are these things called pregnancy tests..."

"Well... damn."

"I know. You can leave now if you want." _No, don't leave me! Even though I don't love you as much as I love Dimitri, I still want you around!_ Wow, I was a selfish brat. Oh well, I think I deserved this after everything that happened.

"I'm not going anywhere..it's just..."

"I know."

"A baby?"

"Yes." Jeez, was it that hard to grasp?

Then it was quiet again. I think I almost fell asleep. I zoned back in when Adrian slowly put his arm around my shoulders.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Mhmm." He mumbled.

* * *

Eventually we went back to his room. I didn't feel like being around Dimitri. Well, I kind of did, but the other part of me wanted to kill him, so I decided it was better to stay away. It was a pigsty in Adrian's room, but somehow it didn't matter. I had just woken up an hour ago, and I wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. We rented movies from On Demand, and I tried to stay awake. I was a little afraid that Adrian was going to have a mental breakdown.

"You can go to sleep if you want to." Adrian said quietly. My eyes were drifting shut for the millionth time in the past hour.

"I'm not tired."

"Sure you aren't." He laughed softly.

"Don't laugh at me." I murmured before falling into a deep sleep..

_"Christian! Wait up!" Lissa laughed and followed Christian through the woods behind the school. _

_"Come on, slowpoke!" He called after him and ran faster ahead of her before disappearing into the trees. _

_She was giggling and trying to keep up, but miserably failing. "Come on Christian, just tell me what the surprise is!" _

_No answer. _

_"Christian?" She walked slower now, peering carefully around the trunks of the trees."Where did you go?" Her smile was replaced by a worried frown. _

_"Boo!" He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. _

_"I thought you left." Lissa said slowly. She looked very afraid. The dream had taken on a strange quality, like everything was distorted. It was a little blurry around the edges, and Christian's voice sounded unfamiliar. _

_"No, I would never leave you." He pulled away from her to look at her face. He was smiling playfully still. _

_"Do you promise?" _

_"Yes." _

_Then she screamed a horrible, ear piercing scream. A Strigoi, the one from the night of the rescue, jumped out from behind a tree and snapped Christian's neck in one fluid motion.. _

It took me a second to realize where I was. I just scre- no, _Lissa_ just screamed. And now I- _she_- was in Dimitri's arms. That had been her dream.

"You're okay." Dimitri said, "I'm here."

His arms felt so good wrapped around me, even though I was covered in cold sweat. I mean, Lissa was. She was shaking so badly that Dimitri's arms shook around her.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry." She sobbed.

"It's fine, it's going to be okay." He whispered, pushing her hair out of her face.

"Y-y-you s-should go back t-to s-sl-sleep." She weakly tried to shove him away. Yeah, like anyone was going to get sleep with all that racket going on. I almost felt like crying watching this, but I knew that it was her emotions. Not mine.

He didn't say anything, he just held her like that. I wonder what would have happened if I had been there? Was this how it was going to be now? He would take my job? Or _she_ would take my job.

I stayed in Lissa's head for a really long time. I wanted the feel of Dimitri's arms to last forever. I knew I would feel guilty about this in the morning, but I didn't care right now. She fell asleep after a while, and Dimitri didn't move. I was guessing he was afraid he would wake her up.

Would Adrian comfort me like this if I had a bad dream? Of course he would... of course he would...

"Rose?" I was back in Adrian's room now.

"Hmmm?"

"Oh, you're awake."

"Yeah. What time is it?"

"It's about 4 AM."

"Shit, wasn't it like ten in the morning when I came over here?"

"Yeah."

I sat up. Adrian had cleared off his bed and moved me into it. He was on the couch by the window.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

I sighed.

"By the way, Rose, I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you." I felt like I was going to puke again. I almost forgot that I was...gulp...

I ran to the bathroom. What a night.

After I was done I turned to Adrian, "What to leave now?"

He just shook his head and gave me a weak smile. Did he want to stay? Well, probably not. But until he told me that, I wanted somebody on my side.

* * *

**_Three days later..._**

"Rose, you have to go." Lissa whispered. We were standing outside the door to one of the small parlors in the Ivashkov Mansion. Tatiana was sitting there alone, writing something.

"She's probably going to have me put to death." I squeaked.

"What is this? The French Revolution?"

"Might as well be."

"Your having a baby, you didn't commit murder, Rose."

"Ugh, please don't say that out loud."

"Sorry."

I walked into the room with my hands clenched into fists. "You wanted to see me, your majesty?"

She looked up at me and scowled. _If looks could kill..._ "Sit down, Rose."

I sat. I was mentally cursing Adrian for telling Tatiana about us. He had been getting the weekly lecture about how we weren't allowed to be serious because I'm a dhampir, and we were going to have to break up soon and blah blah blah. Long story short, I guess the "news" just...umm.. slipped out. I almost staked Adrian when I found out he did that, but I guess Tatiana was going to find out eventually... Bright side, at least my mother didn't know. Rose Hathaway's brilliant plan: Wear baggy sweatshirts until this Strigoi crisis was over, then stay as far away from her as possible for the next nine months. Genius.

"Look, your majesty-"

"Be quiet, Rose. For heaven sakes, you've already screwed up enough. Now I'm left to fix your careless mistake."

"Hey, no one asked you-"

"I said be quiet." Oh, so this bitch was just going to chew me out and while I sat there? I narrowed my eyes.

"My _sincere_ apologies." I spat.

"You and Adrian are getting married."

"MARRIED?" I jumped out of my seat. Was she crazy?

"It's going to be a quiet wedding, then you both are going to move away from court so nobody finds out that Adrian was engaged in..uhh... that sort of thing." She looked at me, completely disgusted.

**There might be some spelling and grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that. I had to type fast. I hope this is good cause I worked hard on it to have it done tonight! I'm trying to update sooner. Next one should be on Friday or Saturday! Tell me what you think :D**


	10. Surprise?

**Want to know something random? In my world civ class, we listened to a song called "Ra Ra Rasputin" and it was about the Russian revolution. Some of the lyrics are "Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine" and guess who it reminded me of? haha... I have no life. Oh, Dimka. lol**

*** Dimitri ***

I felt very pathetic just standing there alone, but I honestly had nothing to do. I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried to read a book I've read a million times.

"Dimka." I jumped.

"Oh, Tasha. Hello." I gave her a friendly hug.

"So you're really back. You're so busy, I thought I'd never get a minute alone with you." Oh, I had forgotten about Tasha. We had not said two words to each other since I...returned.

I smiled at my old friend. "Well, here I am."

"It's really amazing you know, I still can't believe it."

"Yeah, me either." I gulped. I didn't want to talk about this.

"So, um, you're just going to get right back into guarding? You feel comfortable with that?" She seemed a little nervous to be around me than she normally did.

"Sure. Vas- Lissa needs me."

"Aren't there any other guardians?"

"Well there was just two massacres..."

"Yeah. There were."

"So, um, what about you? Where are your guardians?"

"I didn't get issued any." She looked up at me with a sad expression. "Obviously." She sighed and looked back down.

"Really?"

"Well... I guess with the shortage of guardians, they would never give one to someone like me. Just an Ozera..." She sighed dramatically again. Why was she acting so helpless? I'd never seen her like this before. It was almost comical to see such a strong woman get offended by something that she was beyond used to by now.

"Oh, well maybe if you..._oh_.." I suddenly understood. She wanted me to be her guardian.

"You could get away from the center of things, Dimka. You could get away from a girl who will always be followed by Strigoi. You could have a quiet life..." She gazed up at me and twirled her ponytail.

"Yeah, but I'm-" I bit my tongue. I'm falling in love? Hah..haha...no... no. Definitely not. "I don't know. She probably needs someone with more experience to protect her."

"She has Rose. She'll protect her." Tasha batted her eyes. "Besides, the _old_ offer still stands."

Old offer? The one where I would guard her and have a family with her? My stomach turned. Suddenly the old offer sounded worse than being around a million Strigoi alone. "Look, Tahsa-"

"You don't have to decide right now. I was just throwing it out there.." She said wistfully.

"Thanks, but-"

She spun around and kissed me before I could finish my sentence. Damn it. Why do people keep catching me off guard like that? I suppressed the urge to yell "Yuck!"

"Maybe that will, um, help you in your decision." She bit her lip before walking away, swinging her hips. As soon as she was gone, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Gross. Her lips weren't even close- _Stop thinking Dimitri! Just do us all a favor and shut the hell up. _

_...Us all? _

_Yeah. _

_I'm one person! And so are you. _

_We are the same, smart one. _

_Then why are you talking to me? _

_I'm not! _

_Yes you are. _

"SHUT UP DAMNIT!" Several people that were passing by looked at me weirdly. Oh...Did I say that out loud? _Um, yeah, you did, genius. _

I hated my mind. It always argues with me. This didn't happen nearly as much when I was a dhampir the first time! I started speeding walking back to the room. Maybe I could sleep.. or obsessively clean the room until Rose and Lissa came back. _You know, therapy is always an option. _

_Shut up! _

_You know I'm right. _

_You're wrong about everything. You aren't even real. _

_Or maybe you're the one who isn't real. _

_I am! _

_Hey, hey. Chill out. _

_I'm fine, you're crazy! _

_You're crazy, Dimitri. At least I'm not falling for Lissa. _

_"_I am not falling for Lissa!" I yelled out loud again. I was next to the room now, and there was no one else in the hallway. Well, except for Lissa. Just my luck. She was hurrying away, into a supply closet right outside our room. If she heard me, she didn't show it. Whew.

I opened the door right when she closed it. "What are you doing in the closet?"

"Shhh! Get in before she sees!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the closet.

"Hey! What-"

She covered my mouth with her hand. She smelled so sweet.

"Don't say anything. Rose's mom is looking for her, so we split up to hide." She whispered. She was speaking so close to my ear. I could feel her breath on my cheek. I bit my lip.

"Why do you have to hide?" I whispered slowly, only mildly interested. I couldn't focus anymore.

"I can't tell you." She whispered so softly that it took me a second to register what she said. She slowly took her hand off of my mouth. She really needed to back up. Why won't she back up? I glanced around without turning my head. This closet was _small_.

I gulped and turned toward her. I tried not to focus on how small the space between us was. "Why not?"

"Because." She bit her lip.

"Okay." I said.

"Rose made you seem a lot more stubborn than that."

"I usually am."

Then the space between us was almost non-existent. She closed her eyes...

"ROSEMARIE!"

We both jumped, and i sprang so far back that i hit my head on some cleaning supplies. They all fell down on me with a huge clatter. Meanwhile, Lissa jumped toward me, trying to catch supplies as they toppled on me. Due to the small closet, she tried to move, but fell on top of me instead. I opened my mouth, but she put her finger on my lips. "Quiet." She whispered.

"How long did you think you could hide this!"

"You didn't need to know." Rose said defiantly. I could picture her stance. Head held high, arms crossed over her chest.

"I'm your mother!"

"You picked a funny time to start caring what I did in my free time."

"Don't even start, Rose. That's bullshit. I wasn't there when you were little, but it's time to move on. I'm not the one who is putting my entire future at stake here."

"Mom, it was a mistake!"

"One you can't undo. I thought you would be smarter than that."

"Well gee, it's not like I knew this would happen!"

"Yeah, but you of all people should know how to prevent it."

I wondered how Guardian Hathaway could speak so calmly and get such a reaction from Rose. Rose was yelling, and I bet everyone in the entire mansion heard.

"Me, of all people? Are you kidding me? What are you implying, that I'm a blood whore?"

"I'm implying that you are a child. I thought you had grown up, but I guess not."

"What are they talking about?" I asked. Lissa just glared at me.

"Shh! Your not supposed to be hearing this!" She hissed. I felt her breath on me again. _Snap out of it, Dimitri! _

"Yeah, but I bet when you got pregnant with me it was okay though. Am I right?" Oh, Rose. She was always good at turning the arguments on other people...mostly me.

"Rose, I'm done talking about this. I'm ashamed by your behavior."

"Okay. I bet you'll be even more ashamed when I'm walking around after eight months. Look at Janine Hathaway's daughter! She's pregnant!" Rose shouted.

PREGNANT? "WHOA! Rose is-" I forgot I was supposed to be quiet, and that was probably nothing less than a shout. Lissa swiftly pressed her lips to mine in a last attempt to get me to shut the hell up. Now I know why Rose wouldn't want me to hear this.

"I told you to be quiet!"

I gulped. "Sorry."

"No daughter of mine would make such a careless mistake." I could barely make out Janine's last phrase. I could tell she walked away after that though, because it was dead silent.

"Stay still until Rose leaves." She started to get up, but the door swung open.

"Liss, I-" Rose looked at us, and it probably seemed a lot worse than it was. "W-"

"Rose, no. This isn't what it looks like! I was hiding and then-"

"I'm going to Adrian's. Don't wait up." Rose stared blankly at us for what felt like an eternity before walking away slowly.

**Okay, I know this chapter wasn't my best. I'm sorry if you didn't like it. I'm going to try to have another one on by Sunday or Monday. I promise that I have ideas for what's going to happen so I hope you guys stick around! **


	11. Only the beginning

**Okay, I feel really bad that the story is pissing you guys off so much! Then again, I guess it's good that my writing can get people so emotionally involved? haha XD Okay here are some things you should know that may or my not reassure you.. **

**-Dimitri/Lissa won't last forever! I promise! **

**-Dimitri annoys the crap out of me too! So it's not like I like him together with Lissa lol. Lissa is kinda annoying but she's not THAT bad.. it's not like she's demanding people to protect her or anything, and it's not like she was actually dating Christian when he died so she's not as bad as she could be...  
**

**-I kinda like the Adrian/Rose couple... don't kill me... **

*** Rose ***

We rode back to court in silence. They never found the Strigoi, but they figured that we couldn't hide here forever. Thank God, I wanted to get as far away from everyone as possible. Two pissed off girls sharing a room with one emotional, stupid, ignorant guy didn't go over well.

When we got back to court, I went straight to my room and locked the door. Ever since I found Dimitri and Lissa in that closet four days ago, things just got even worse. I ignored Lissa, Lissa ignored Dimitri, Dimitri ignored me, and Adrian ignored Dimitri. I was pissed because I suspected that Lissa was falling for Dimitri, Adrian was pissed because Dimitri was alive, and Lissa was pissed because the queen said she couldn't go Lehigh anymore. Since they never found the Strigoi, Lissa was now enrolled at Redfield University. This one was five minutes away from the court, specially designed for Moroi students, and completely underground.

Oh yeah, and I was no longer Lissa's guardian. Since she was going to an all Moroi school, she no longer needed two guardians. Since I had a few.. setbacks... you can just guess which one of us got to go with Lissa. Ugh, who cares? Did I really want to be around that boyfriend stealing bitch and that man whore? ...yeah. Kinda.

I couldn't imagine my life without being Lissa's guardian. She would go on to college, travel the world.. get a job.. And where would I be? Well, until the wedding, I would be here at court, filing papers by special orders from Tatiana. Ugh. Then, after that, I would go off to live a secluded life in the mountains with Adrian to raise our child. Why couldn't I just give it to the academy and be done with this shit? I had no idea. But apparently Tatiana said that was a big no no. I think she just wanted to screw with me.

I threw a pillow at the wall. "Ugh!" I was getting angry again. I just wanted to scream at Lissa. _Do you know how annoying it is to give up my life for you? To just ignore my feelings and put you first?_

Sure, she never asked for this... but _still._

"Rose?" Lissa knocked on my door.

"Rose isn't home, please leave a message after the beep."

"Rose, please talk to me."

"Beeeeeeeeeep."

"Rose-"

"Go away. I'm not your guardian anymore."

"I know, but your my-"

"Best friends don't go into closets with other best friends' true loves." I spat. My chest ached.

"Rose, it wasn't-"

"It wasn't what it looked like? Save it. Go away."

"But-"

"Bye."

"Fine. Bye."

She sounded hurt. Good. It's about time she knows how I feel.

* * *

I don't know how much time had passed, but I woke up when I heard another knock on the door.

"Rose, are you in there?"

"I don't feel like talking, Adrian."

"I was just checking on you."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I gagged. That's exactly what we said when...

"Are you throwing up?"

I gulped. "No. I'll just talk to you later."

"But-"

"Seriously. Bye."

"Call me if you need anything." He muttered before walking off.

* * *

_"I can't do anymore!" I whined to Dimitri after my thousandth push-up. _

_"Come on, Rose. I do this many every day." _

_I fell on my stomach. "I'm not you." I muttered. _

_"Obviously. Get up, Roza, you have fifty more." _

_"FIFTY! I only had twenty five a second ago!" _

_"That was before you fell down." He rubbed his hand on my back, sending chills down my spine. _

_"You know, I can think of a more practical use of our time." I sat up and winked at him. _

_He rolled his eyes, not bothering to hide the smile on his face. _

_"You know you want to..." I said seductively. _

_"Knock knock." _

_"What?" _

_"Knock knock." _

I sat up in bed, expecting to see my dorm at the academy. I was sorely disappointed. What else is new? I walked to door and swung it open. "Damn it! Why won't you guys just leave me-"

No one was out there. Just a little envelope at the foot of my bed. I ripped it open. Ugh. I was woken up from a good dream because of a stupid piece of paper.

_Dear Rose, _

_I'm sorry for everything that I did to you. I'm a horrible friend, I know. I don't know what I was thinking. I asked for a new guardian to go to college with me, but the queen said that I already had one and too much stuff was going on for something as simple as this to get the way. I promise, when all the Strigoi stuff is over, I'll try to get a new guardian. I'm leaving for college now, and I just wanted to say bye. I hope the wedding goes well, and that you can try to be happy with Adrian. He really loves you, you know. _

_Love, Lissa _

I stared at Lissa's perfect cursive. So this is the beginning of the rest of my life. I never actually imagined us splitting apart. Hey, what was I getting sad about? I didn't want to be around her! I should just crumble this paper up right now!

But I'll miss her. Will I ever see her again after the wedding?

Who cares? Crumble it up.

I care.. I'm loosing everything that wanted to hold onto.

Crumble it up.

I crumbled it up and went back to sleep.

* * *

I felt like I was in a dream or something. This couldn't be real. Every day I woke up and got something to eat. After that, I went to go file. I was alone the whole time. When that was over, Adrian came and got me. We sat together. Under a tree, on a bench, in his room, in my room. It was silent. After that, we ate dinner at one of the court restaurants because I wasn't allowed in Adrian's home. His mother told him never to bring that blood whore into her home again. I didn't say anything. I was too tired. For the first time in my life, I was defenseless. I could not fix this problem.

"Rose, please talk to me. I can't stand to see you like this! It's killing me. What can I do? I'll do anything." Adrian said to me outside my door one evening.

"I'm sorry, Adrian. I'm sorry that this ruined your life."

Adrian pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. "You didn't ruin my life, Rose. When will you understand that I want to be with you?"

"Never."

"Oh, Rose. Rose, Rose, Rose." He sighed.

After that, I convinced him not to stay with me. He wanted to make sure I was okay. I was okay, but I couldn't accept this as the rest of my life. This was a miserable existence.

I looked in the mirror after the shower and saw that my stomach was starting to grow. Just a small bump at the bottom, barely noticeable. Then I cried. This was not the Rose Hathaway that I used to be. My heart ached for the times that I spent in the gym with Dimitri. The times I went shopping with Lissa. The times that Christian contradicted everything I said.

Lissa. That could be my escape! Suddenly I had the overwhelming urge to see Dimitri. I smiled with delight. How long had they been gone? Two weeks? No, probably three. Yeah, three. The wedding was in two days. Why didn't I think of this before?

* * *

Lissa was in the library, pouring over a chemistry textbook. Dimitri was standing against the wall a few tables away. She was raking her hands through her hair, worrying that she was already failing the class. Somehow I think her definition of failing was a B+.

"Hey, is this seat taken?" A voice beside her made her jump. It was her chemistry partner. He was also in her calculus class. I felt like I had missed so much.

She put her bag on the seat next to her. "Yes, it is." She glared at him. He was tall with light brown hair and stunning blue green eyes. He was the kind of Moroi that most girls would fight over back at the academy.

"Aw, come on Princess. Everywhere else is full." He pouted. She looked around and grudgingly confirmed that the library was pretty full. Her table was the only empty one.

"Don't call me that." She hissed.

"Why? That's what you are, aren't you?" He asked while moving her stuff to the floor.

"There are other seats at this table besides that one." She spat. There were two chairs across from her. I think she should look at Dimitri. If only I could send her a message...

"I'd rather sit here. That way, you can help me with my homework."

"I can help you? You probably have a way better grade than me after what you did yesterday!" She fumed. A group of girls at a nearby table turned around and told her to shut up. One of them flipped her glossy curls over her shoulder and muttered "loser".

Wait, there was something wrong with this picture. Someone called Lissa a loser? Sweet, loving, charismatic Lissa? I mean, I might think she's a total bitch, but other people would never think that. I flipped through her memories of college so far. They were filled with frowns and embarrassment. People hated her here. They blamed her for the guardian massacre that happened when we went to rescue her and Christian. Some of them had lost their family's guardians in the fight.

"It was an accident, Princess."

"You spilled acid on me! It doesn't matter if it was an accident!" She whispered harshly.

"I don't get how that affects your grade though." He shrugged and smiled. She hated him. What was his name. Alexander. Alexander Knight. Non-royal.

"Because I had to leave and I didn't finish the stupid lab. Now, thanks to you, I have no idea what's going on!"

"Don't worry, Princess. I can tutor you." He winked.

"Don't call me Princess!" She said, exasperated.

"Sorry. _Vasilisa_."

"Lissa."

"Lissa." He nodded and opened his book.

"Alex." The girl with the curls said in a thick British accent. "Why don't you come over here. I need some help with math." Ugh. I shuddered. This place was exactly like high school!

"Can't. My tutoring skills can only save one person at a time, Chelsea."

She flipped her hair. "Very well. But just so you know, I doubt you'll get invited to any parties if people see you hanging out with Miss 'the world is all about me'."

"I have to go anyway. Thanks for the help, but I think I'll just talk to you in class from now on." Lissa quickly gathered up her belongings and walked out, followed by Dimitri.

"Do you want me to-"

"No!" Lissa cut Dimitri off. She was embarrassed and angry by the fact that people were blaming her for something that wasn't even her fault when it happened a month ago.

"I was just going ask if you needed help carrying you stuff." Dimitri said.

She looked down at her arms full of books and the bag that was slipping of her shoulder. "I'm fine."

**Hope you guys liked it! I worked hard to get another chapter up tonight so you better! :)**


	12. Unfamiliar Faces

**Haha I love you guys! As soon as Alexander comes in you're all like "PUT HIM WITH LISSA!" ...But whatever will our dearest Dimitri think of this? ;) Anyways thanks for all your reviews they make me very happy! **

**In response to the review of my friend Rose: Alex's eyes aren't green! They are blue/green! Turquoise-ish! Like Finnick ;)  
**

**I was originally going to do this chapter from Lissa's point of view, but I thought you might enjoy Rose's side commentary. Ennnjjoooyyy :D  
**

*** Rose ***

_It hurts to wake up._ Lissa thought when opened her eyes to another morning of college. This had always been her dream, yet it seems like more a nightmare. Call me obsessive, but I've been in Lissa's head for almost an entire day. Her life was no walk in the park, but I thought it was a hell of a lot better than mine.

It was in the middle of an early filing morning when the bond alerted me that she had woken up from her two hours of sleep. I immediately slipped in, grateful for the entertainment.

"Can I get you anything, Lissa?"

"No." She groaned. "Stop offering to help me."

"Um, sorry." Dimitri said awkwardly. He was unsure of what to do with her.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... I don't know. If I start acting like a bitch, hit me or something."

"Sorry, that's against the rules." Dimitri smiled.

"Why are you smiling?" She scowled, preferring to be pessimistic for the rest of her life.

"I think that's the longest sentence you've spoken to me since you got here." For some reason, that made me happy. I wanted Lissa to keep ignoring him.

"Oh." Lissa left for breakfast in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday. She no longer cared about how she looked, nor had the energy to try to get rid of the bags under her eyes.

* * *

"Hey, Princess." The familiar sandy brown haired Moroi sat next to her in the cafeteria. She was sitting at a vacant table in the corner. It reminded me of some dramatic movie or something.

"Go away." Lissa didn't look at him, but from across the table, Dimitri was glaring.

"Ouch. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't want me around."

"Because it's true. I don't want you around, Alexander."

"You can call me Alex."

"No, we are only acquaintances. Let's keep it on a no-nickname basis." She broke her pop tart into tiny pieces without eating it.

"You told me to call you Lissa yesterday." He lowered his head and lifted up her hair to see her face. "Whoa. Did you pull an all nighter or something?"

"Call me Vasilisa then. And stop asking me questions!" She got up from the table and threw away her uneaten breakfast. I could feel her anger threw the bond. Spirit combined and no sleep was not a good mix.

"Okay." He got up from the table too.

"Stop following me. Go hang out with your idiot friends."

"Nah, their idiots." He put his hands in his pockets. "Besides, you look lonely."

"No, I have Dimitri here." She flung her arm in his direction. "Besides, I'm not going to be your charity case." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked away, leaving him standing there. For some reason, this situation reminded me of Christian. I wondered if that was why Lissa was pushing him away.

* * *

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. She didn't talk to anyone, not even Dimitri. Dang, if I wasn't pregnant and depressed I would show that girl how to have a good time at college.

When my filing job was almost over, I felt a flare of excitement through the bond, so I decided to tune back in. Lissa was running down a flight of steps alone. Dimitri was in the shower, so she decided to escape to get coffee by herself. And boy was she happy to get rid of Dimitri. Every time she saw him, she felt guilty and dirty. She asked herself every five minutes, _what was I thinking?_

Well, on the bright side for me, at least she actually cared. So she wasn't a complete stone cold bitch. Did I ever think she was? I mean, she was just trying to forget Christian and- Hey! What am I doing? She's pure evil, remember?

Lissa knew that it had to be about sunset time in the real world, but she couldn't see anything. Down at the old Red Field University, everything was covered in a constant blanket of darkness. The "Sky" was just the ground with a million little light bulbs stuck in it. It always looked like stars every second of the day. Stars were nice, but even Moroi had to miss the sun sometimes.

Lissa sat outside the little coffee shop and got wrapped up in her thoughts again. She thought about Christian. And Dimitri. I didn't like the fact that he was on her mind, but I could see that she didn't really have any romantic feelings toward him. She thought she was starting to forget how Christian's voice sounded, and that scared her.

Listening to her thoughts as if they were my own, I felt the urge to curl up in a ball and never wake up.

_Christian probably hates me. _She thought. _He's watching me from heaven and he hates me. _

She gritted her teeth together. _How could I do this to Rose? What's wrong with me? I'm so selfish. She's never going to forgive me. Christian will never forgive me. _

She jumped out of her chair and tried to run away. She wanted to get away from all the darkness and stars. She felt like she was suffocating. But she didn't get very far. Since she wasn't paying attention to where she was going, she ran right into the girl with perfect curls and glossed lips. The coffee was knocked right out of curly's hand and right onto her designer black sandals. Lissa's memories told me that this girl was a Conta. Chelsea Conta. I wondered if she was closely related to that bitch Camille.

"Hey, watch where you're- Oh, if it isn't the beloved Princess Dragomir."

Lissa just stood there. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" The girl stuck out her lip in a pouting, little-girlish way. "Sorry? Is that the same thing that you said when you killed all those guardians? Sorry doesn't make it all better, sweetie." I felt like this was just another scene from the academy. Everywhere you go, Moroi always gossip and verbally abuse each other.

"I didn't kill them!" Lissa said quickly.

"Yeah, whatever." Said one of the other girls in the group with tan skin and shiny black hair that went past her waist.

"Look, _Princess,_ I don't know if you understand this, but I need to get me a napkin so I can clean off this mess you made." The girl spoke slowly, like Lissa was a three year old. "You know, cleaning? Something us poorer folk have to do because we don't have servants."

"I don't have servants, Chelsea. And believe it or not, I didn't kill those guardians. There are these vampires called Strigoi that usually try to kill Moroi. Are you following me so far?" Lissa smirked.

"Just get me a damn napkin."

"No, sorry. I have somewhere to be. It's a royal thing, but I wouldn't expect _you_ to understand." Lissa twirled her hair on her finger and rolled her eyes. _If they want royal bitch, I'll give them royal bitch._ She thought. "Have fun cleaning those cheap knockoffs."

Chelsea scowled. "All you Dragomirs always thought you were better than everyone else. I guess I shouldn't expect any less from you. Well, you better watch it Vasilisa. I'm going to knock you off your stupid little pedestal."

Spirit was getting to her now. She wanted to see how pretty Chelsea was when blood was spurting out of her nose."I'd like to see you try, but I might chip my manicure! But I doubt you've ever had that problem before..."

Without warning, Chelsea lunged forward and slapped Lissa across the face. Without wasting time worrying about the sting, Lissa immediately responded by punching Chelsea in the face. First Reed, then Christian, and now Chelsea. Who knew Liss had it in her?

"You little bitch." Chelsea said, holding her nose. "Those guardians should have just let you die. The Dragomir line is better off dead, anyways. You'll be just like your little friend, Ozera."

That was it. Lissa sprang forward and tackled Chelsea. The spirit was playing a big part in this, I could feel it. I hoped Chelsea Conta was weak, because Lissa really wasn't the fist fighting type.

A crowd was gathering around the two girls that were both trying to kill each other. It didn't last long though, because a hand grabbed Lissa's arm and yanked her away. Expecting to see Dimitri, I was surprised when I saw Alexander.

"Let go of me!" Lissa tugged at his grip, but he dragged her away until they were behind a small restaurant next to the coffee shop. People were laughing at them as they walked away.

When he let go of her, she tried to punch him too, but he caught her fist and shoved her against the wall. He held her there for a while, so the spirit could disappear.

"What the hell?" Lissa asked him when she had calmed down enough not to try to attack him. He was still holding her against the wall soon.

"Wow, The Dragomir Princess knows how to throw a punch. I didn't know you had it in you, Lissa."

"What does it even matter to you? You don't even know me! Stop. talking. to. me!" Lissa shrugged out of his grip, embarrassed and angry.

He raised his eyebrows. "Come on, you and I both know that you overreacted. I'm just trying to prevent you from making the entire campus hate you."

"I don't know if you've noticed, Alex, but they already do hate me. So your efforts were wasted."

"Not all of them hate you. I would say a strong dislike is a more accurate description."

"Bye. I would say see you later, but I really hope I don't." Lissa brushed off her clothes and started to storm away.

"You're a real bitch, you know?" Alex called.

"Thanks for the news flash."

* * *

"Hello? Hello! Are you Rose Hathaway?" A guy dressed in all black waved his hands in front of me.

"What? Oh, yeah, that would be me." I glared at him, angry for having to snap out of my distraction.

"I'm Elijah Tanner, Mikhail's younger brother." Looking at this boy, I saw no resemblance to Mikhail at all. Elijah looked about my age, skinny and pale. He was wearing a black leather jacket and dark jeans with chains. I pictured Mikhail in his usual jeans and gray sweatshirt. Nah, I didn't see it.

"Um, okay. Nice to meet you.." I trailed off, keeping my hands busy with the filing.

"I've been assigned to help you with your filing."

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows, kind of mad that I would probably have to be forced to have daily conversations with this random kid.

"Yeah. So, what can I help you with?"

"Nothing. I got it all covered here Ethan. This is more of a one person job."

"It's Elijah, and I got assigned here."

"So? Asked to be assigned somewhere else."

"I can't. I'm being punished." He scowled and started alphabetizing a folder next to me.

"Punished? For what? I thought I was the only delinquent around here."

"It's kinda of a long story. Besides, you look like your not in the mood for socializing."

"That's correct, Edward. I was a little wrapped up in my thoughts."

"Elijah. Don't let me distract you, just continue on."

"Nah, it's fine. I'd much rather here about how you got stuck filing down here with public enemy number one."

Just then, Hans came into the room. He normally frowned when he saw me, but when he saw Elijah, he looked like he was about to murder someone. "Rose, your shift is over. Elijah, you have four more hours. Have fun."

"See ya." I said, practically running out the door. Even though I moped around lately, I had no desire to be stuck down there.

"See ya, Guardian Hathaway." Elijah flipped his long black hair out of his eyes and continued filing.

"Psh." I snorted. "I think that title has been revoked, Edison."

**I hope you liked it! I was going to try and update yesterday but I have a big audition coming up so I couldn'tttt :P I wonder... why does Alex want to be around Lissa so much..? *evil smile* **


	13. The Wedding

**Sorry it took so long to update, I was stressed out about life and stuff... anyways! Here goes it. **

*** Rose ***

I've always imagined my wedding day to be a little different than this. Well, actually, I've never imagined my wedding day at all. I've always accepted that my future involved guarding Lissa, nothing more. I was okay with that. But now, well, things are a little different.

"Rose? Are you almost ready?" Adrian was waiting outside the girls bathroom of the court's chapel.

"I thought it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding." It's not like I was anything to "ooo" and "aahhh" about anyways. I was wearing a white skirt and a silky white blouse. My hair was down and straight, just the way Dimitri liked it. You couldn't even see the bump on my stomach when I was wearing this outfit.

"Yeah, but there's somebody out here who wants to see you."

Oh God. Has my mother come to rip my face off or something? Chew me out in front of Adrian and Tatiana?

"Take a message."

"They want to talk face to face." Oh no. It _is_ my mother. I wonder how bad this would hurt..

"Fine, coming." I took one last look in the mirror. I didn't to it to make sure I looked perfect, or beautiful. I was simply taking one last look at the single, young Rose that I love. Adrian's wife.. God help us all.

I stepped out of the bathroom and didn't see my mother anywhere. Instead I saw Lissa, standing there in a summer dress.

"Rose! You look beautiful!" She gushed. She stood where she was though, afraid to anger me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Adrian told me to come." She blushed and looked down. "He said that the guest list was very...small."

"If you count me, Adrian, and Tatiana as the guest list, then yes, it is small. Adrian, what's the meaning of this?" I said icily. I didn't like being out of the loop.

"Oh, come _on_." Adrian said as he put his arm around both of us and drew us close. "You guys are best friends! You need to make up someday. What better setting than at the wedding?"

"This is hardly a wedding. I'd call it more a necessary elope." I said, trying to pull away.

"Come on, Rose. At least enjoy it." Lissa gave me a weak smile. "You only get married once."

"Unless you get a bunch of divorces." I pointed out.

She rolled her eyes and we both shrugged out of Adrian's little group hug. Lissa took my hands. "Rose. I know things are bad, but you could try and have fun with this. You're getting married!"

"Yeah, and why didn't you bring your little pal, Dimitri?"

"Because he's not my pal. He's my guardian. I don't need him while I'm at court."

I looked at Lissa, then at Adrian. "Adrian, do you mind giving us some privacy for a second?"

"Sure..." He said, and went into the church.

"He looked like a little more than your guardian." I crossed my arms.

"Rose, I'm _sorry_. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I would never-"

"You already did, Lissa."

"But Rose, you're having a kid with Adrian. Do you really think he's going to get back together with you when you're married?"

"You're jut saying that so you could have him." I knew that wasn't true, but I said it anyway. Oh well.

"Rose!"

"Look, Lissa, I don't know what the hell you want, but you've got it. You've got it all. Why don't you just go back to college? I don't need you here, seeing me ruin my life."

"But I'm your best friend! I just want to help you!"

"If you really want to help me, then find a way around me spending the rest of my life with Adrian."

She was silent.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Now go back to college where you belong, and I'll stay here where I belong."

"I'm sorry, Rose."

"Yeah, so am I. Bye Liss." I paused, opening the door to the chapel. "A. Lissa. Bye."

Well, here goes nothing.

The wedding was boring. The only person in the audience was my new in-law. Gross.

Then it was time for the vows. I couldn't say them. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean a single word. My heart was thudding loudly. The clock was ticking. Beat, beat, tick, tock, Dimitri, Dimitri.

"Do you, Rosemarie Hathaway, take Adrian Ivashkov.."

Oh no, oh no...

"STOP! STOP THE WEDDING!" The chapel doors were slammed open by someone I never thought I'd see again.

"Dimitri, what are you doing here?" I asked, after an awkward silence.

"You can't go through with this, Roza."

**Oh, scandalous! Sorry it's not longer, but I really wanted to use this cliffy ;) Review! **


	14. You Wished For It

**Sorry for the last cliffy!...just kidding! It was funny when you guys threatened to kill me! XD **

*** Lissa ***

"Look, Lissa, I don't know what the hell you want, but you've got it. You've got it all. Why don't you just go back to college? I don't need you here, seeing me ruin my life." I bit my lip. I didn't want her to leave my life forever.

"But I'm your best friend! I just want to help you!"

"If you really want to help me, then find a way around me spending the rest of my life with Adrian."

I didn't say anything.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Now go back to college where you belong, and I'll stay here where I belong."

"I'm sorry, Rose." I whispered.

"Yeah, so am I. Bye Liss." I paused, opening the door to the chapel. "A. Lissa. Bye."

I wasn't going to let it end there. I couldn't, not when it came to Rose. Anyone else, I probably would have left. But Rose, I wanted to stay. I marched out the door of the church and bounded down the steps.

"What's wrong?" Dimitri asked. I had to beg him to stay outside. I know he was my guardian, but he never left me alone.

I exhaled in irritation. I could feel the spirit turning inside me like a stomach ache. _If you really want to help me, then find a way around me spending the rest of my life with Adrian._

That's all she said.

She didn't say "Get me back together with Dimitri". But this would be a start, I guess.

I walked up to Dimitri and put my hands on his shoulders. His eyes were like a sad puppy. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't.

"Dimitri, I need you to do me a favor."

"Sure."

"I need you to stop the wedding."

"What? I- Okay."

An evil smile crossed my lips. I felt a little sadistic. "Tell Rose you love her."

"Okay."

"You love Rose."

"I love Rose."

"You don't want her to marry Adrian."

"No, I don't."

"Good. Now go in there and stop them." I said simply.

He ran up the steps and into the church. I followed him and stood with my arms crossed as he yelled, "STOP! STOP THE WEDDING!"

"_What?_" Rose glared at him.

"You can't go through with this, Roza."

Ooo, Russian nickname. Nice touch.

"What do you mean?"

"I love you."

"WHAT?" Adrian threw his arms up in the air. Oh.. I forgot about him.

"I love Rose." Dimitri said like a zombie.

"Hug her." I whispered under my breath, while keeping my eyes fixed on Dimitri's head.

He moved toward Rose, and Adrian shoved him out of the way. He fell to the ground, loosing sight of the mission.

"Don't touch her. I can't believe you're coming in here after all this time and acting like you didn't hurt her!" Adrian shrieked.

Tatiana sat perfectly still, watching the scene with fascination. I stood perfectly still at the back of the church, watching the scene with concealed panic.

"Dimitri, what the fuck?" Rose said, summing up the situation in her usual way.

"What?" Dimitri asked, rubbing his head.

I squinted, trying to compel him again. "Tell Rose you love her." I whispered.

"I love you, Roza."

"Now go outside." I whispered.

He got up and sprinted away. I slowly walked down the isle, keeping my expression neutral. All you heard in the room was the slight tapping of my heels on the wood.

"What is the meaning of this?" Tatiana asked, voice ringing through the empty chapel.

"Hell if I know." Said Adrian, throwing his hands up in the air.

"I can't get married." Rose said quietly. "I'm sorry, but I just can't."

Adrian ripped off his tie and threw it on the ground. "I knew it. I _knew_ it! God, Rose, why didn't you just tell me? This wasn't about Lissa at all, it was about him."

"No!" We both yelled at the same time.

"Don't lie to me."

Silence.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" He pulled his hair in exasperation, messing up the perfect style. "I'm sick of this! I'm so sick of being your second best, Rose."

"Adrian-" She started.

"You're a liar. You're nothing but a liar. Next time, tell the person before you decide to have sex with them."

"Adrian!"

"I can't love you anymore, Rose. I'm not going to wait around and be used when things don't work out the way you want them."

He stormed out of the church.

Rose started to cry.

"Rose, you need to leave court. I will not have a blood whore running around when I'm trying to keep an ordered society." She walked out too, but she showed no emotion. I didn't look up until I heard the click of her heels disappear.

"You did that." Rose said, tears running down her face.

"You told me to." I said flatly.

"You made him do that." She said, sitting down in a pew.

"You don't have to marry Adrian now."

"But look at what you did to him!"

I snorted. "Come on, Rose. You think _I_ did that? It was bound to happen anyways! You're in love with Dimitri, and it's written all over you face." I spat.

She started to cry harder. I clenched my fists. I could feel the spirit burning inside me. It was like a fire inside my head.

"You're right." She sobbed.

I rubbed my temples. I wished someone would just stop the fire. I could barely hear my own voice, just the constant pounding.

"What am I going to do?" I went and sat next to her on the pew and put my arm around her.

"I don't know, Rose. I don't know. But I'm going to be here for you." I sighed. The anger was slowly cooling. Thank God.

"Let's get out of this church." She said, getting up.

The second we got out of the church, some teenage Moroi and a few friends ran up to us. "Hey Rose, we heard you're knocked up." They started laughing. Damn. New travels _fast_. Or, it does when someone like Adrian wants it to.

"Come on," I started pulling her away, but more people came up.

"Rose! How much do you charge for one night?"

"Oh my God." I hissed as a group of guys who blocked my path. Dimitri was following us, close in tow. "I didn't know there were this many sex-addicts at this court."

"Are you in business too, Princess?" One of the boys said. Jeez, were these really Adrian's friends?

"So tell us, Rose." One of the few girls in the crowd laughed. "Who's is it? Some royal's?"

We froze. I looked around for any distraction, any excuse, but all I saw was Tatiana, watching the scene unfold from across the court yard. No doubt she helped Adrian. What a bitch.

"Haha! I bet they won't let you tell anyone! They're embarrassed by you!" Somebody yelled.

"Well, at least they had good sense." The random girl laughed.

"It's mine." Dimitri said suddenly.

Everyone was quiet.

**Wow! Two chapters in as many days. I hope this chapter was good but I don't think it was that good.. sorry :o i hope you like it anyways... :)**

**- I started a new story, called "Welcome to the real world." If you guys have time, you should check it out :) Thanks for all your wonderful reviews!  
**


	15. Lissa's turn to fix it

**Jeez, talk about extreme writer's block. For some reason, I could not write this chapter! Sorry if it turned of crappy.. :P Oh, and sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes.. I kinda had to hurry. **

*** Rose ***

Lissa and Dimitri ended up staying all night. I think they were worried about my uncontrollable sobbing. It matched my uncontrollable life. Eventually Lissa fell asleep, but Dimitri and I stayed up all night. Maybe this was usual behavior, or maybe he was asking himself, "What did I just get myself into?"

"Oh, crap!" Lissa jumped up when she saw what time it was. It was nine oh clock, and her first class was already halfway over.

"Sorry, I guess I should have woken you up." I shrugged indifferently.

"It's fine." She gave me a hug. "Rose, we'll be back soon. I promise. This time, I'm going to take care of you."

"Okay." I said, not moving.

I was also late to my filing job. Oh well. I think I'm going to skip today. And tomorrow. As soon as they were out the door, I jumped into Lissa's head.

"What now?" Dimitri asked as they walked toward the car.

"Well, since you volunteered to be the father, I think you're going to have to pretend to date Rose."

Dimitri didn't freak out. He didn't show any sign of emotion on his face. "Well, I'm not a total bastard. Did you see her face? I had to help her!" He said defensively.

"Yeah, I saw it. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Yes, I can."

"Are you sure? Because this might actually involve stuff like _talking_ and actually being _nice, _and maybe even... _holding hands_." She raised her eyebrows. I saw what she was doing. She was trying to slowly get us back together, and this gave her the perfect stage.

Dimitri rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I think I can handle it."

They drove back to college in silence, and Lissa ran into chemistry class in the same clothes she wore to my fail of a wedding. She didn't look that bad, but everyone stopped to stare at her.

"Hey, did you forget that you were still in college?" Alex asked her as she sat down next to him.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Did you have some hot date last night?"

"Duh."

"You're no fun."

"Yeah."

Lissa tried to pay attention, but thankfully she didn't. She kept me entertained with her thoughts about Alex. She thought she hated him, but out of the corner of her eye she saw him watching her. She wanted to tell him it creeped her out, but some part of her liked the attention. It reminded her of when she and Christian first met.

Just then, Alex started cracking up.

"What is your problem?"

"None of your concern, Princess." He chuckled and got back to his notes.

"What?" She glared at him and wondered if he was laughing at her.

He just shook his head, and when class was over, he bolted out the door. Dimitri glared at him. I sighed back in my room. Lissa was going to have her hands full with this.

As she and Dimitri walked across the campus, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Well, _Lissa's _eye. But she was too distracted by her thoughts to notice. Alex was putting a flower on the ground a little ways up the path. In my opinion, that was a strange kid. His crush on Lissa was a bit too obvious if you ask me. I sighed again. Everybody loved Lissa. Well, not counting all the other kids at her college...

I think Dimitri saw Alex too, because he turned to Liss and said, "Let's go the other way." Haha, somebody was getting jealous. Dimitri should just give it up, Lissa was way too young for him. God, I felt like a narrator of "Secret Life of The American Teenager" or something.

"Why?" She asked, not really caring.

"I don't know. Never mind."

"Kay."

When they got to the flower, Lissa was immediately pulled out of her thoughts. The flower was dead. Big whoop. Alex should have been able to afford a nicer gift if he wanted to impress her. But I watched as she picked up the flower slowly.

She kept it because flowers don't grow underground. Good one. I probably would have left the stupid thing on the ground. Then again, if it was from Dimitri...

Then I felt this burst of energy coming from the bond. I'd felt it before. It was life and music and happiness, coming from Lissa. The flower in her hands turned from a brownish green to a beautiful pink rose. I'd seen her do stuff like this before, but it didn't really get old to me like it used to to Christian. I guess it's because he couldn't feel the magic like I could. The quick fix of happiness it gave me was amazing. Even for a few seconds. It reminded me of a bite.

The problem was, when it was over, I was worse off than before. I felt like crying again, even though I had cried almost all night. Over Dimitri, over Adrian, I didn't really know. _Forget it Rose, Lissa will get you back together. I hope. _

"So, it's true!" Alex leapt out from behind a building.

"What?" Lissa sneered.

"You really can bring stuff back to life! Can you teach me how to do that?" What the heck? Alex was like some little kid on Christmas.

"Um, fire users can't do this...Sorry.." Lissa said, backing away. She thought Alex might be insane.

"No, no! I'm spirit! Just like you." He said, calming down a little. His face returned to a cool smirk.

"Proove it."

"You might kill me." He said, slipping his hair out of his turquoise eyes.

Lissa crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him expectantly. She was acting bored, but on the inside she couldn't help but feel happy at the thought of another spirit user.

"Wel, let's see. You're happy about possibly finding another spirit user, but you're just trying to seem cool by acting bored." Hey! That's what I said! "Oh yeah, and your guardian has a little crush on you."

"What?" Lissa and Dimitri asked at the same time. I think this was the first time I ever saw Dimitri's face turn tomato red. I might have laughed, if it weren't for the part about him having a crush on Lissa.

"Exactly. Oh yeah, you say you hate me, but sometime, I think you want me around." He winked. "Your aura is gold, just like mine."

"You read my mind?" She asked, completely embarrassed.

"Well, I didn't _try_ to... It just sort of happens..."

Lissa threw the flower at him. "Stop talking to me." She said, and started walking away.

"Lissa, wait!" He grabbed her arm. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to invade your thoughts."

"What else do you know?" She asked, furious.

"Nothing! I-"

"Tell me." She practically poured her compulsion on him.

"A lot of stuff."

"Like what?" Lissa asked. Dimitri watched with a worried face. I could see the sweat forming on his forehead. He was afraid that Alex read his mind.

"Your favorite color is pink, your friend Rose is pregnant, you know another spirit user named Adrian, and you wear your hair down because of Christian." Alex said with wide eyes.

Lissa let go of him. "I hate you."

"Lissa, I didn't mean to! It happens when-"

"Don't talk to me ever again."

She walked away and didn't look back. When she got to her room, she found a pink rose outside the door. She didn't question how it got there, she just threw it away.

* * *

My phone rang, pulling me out of Lissa's head.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Rose. It's Elijah."

"What the hell? How did you get my number?"

"Hans gave it to me."

"How did he get my number?"

"I don't know, but he told me to call you. He said that you better come to your job, _or else._"

"Oh, so scary." Elijah was such a new kid. I couldn't believe he was scared of Hans.

"He said he was going to evict you unless you come."

"I'll be there in five minutes."

Damn Hans. I bet this was somehow Tatiana's fault.

I dressed in my usual baggy clothes to hide the evidence, and hurried down to the office.

"Hey." Elijah said.

"Ugh. Hi."

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." He said, handing me a stack of paper.

I didn't say anything.

"So, why does Hans hate your guts?" He said that it such a bright happy voice, I actually laughed.

"Many, many reasons, new kid."

"Why do you insist on calling me anything but my actual name?"

"I don't know, Eddie." I smiled an evil smile at him.

* * *

"WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE?" Hans screamed, bounding down the steps.

Shit. Neither of us said anything.

"IT'S A COMPLETE DISASTER! WHAT HAPPENED?" He demanded.

Well, it was kind of a long story. First, I threw one paper airplane, then it got a little...er... out of hand. Paper and pencils where everywhere, and it was going to take forever to organize them again.

"There was a twister!" Elijah said with wide eyes.

I started cracking up. It had been so long since I just left down my guard and did something stupid, like having a paper war with Elijah.

"CLEAN IT UP! NOW! YOU WILL NOT LEAVE UNTIL THIS OFFICE IS SPOTLESS!" Hans screamed. I bet everyone in court could hear. I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture of his purple face.

"Yes sir!" Elijah saluted him, and then started cleaning up while singing the barney theme song.

Hans glared at us and started to retreat. But not before the old threatening. "If you leave before this mess is cleaned up, you're going to wish you were back here filing every day!" Then he slammed the door.

"Whew." I said, "Ever heard of anger management?"

After a few centuries later, the office was finally clean. Surprisingly, that was the most fun I'd had in a long time. Elijah wasn't a bad person to talk to either. We just talked about random things, but neither of us shared why we were being punished. After one day, I felt like I had known him for years. He reminded me a lot of myself, what with his sarcastic and smartass personality and all. I didn't think he heard the pregnancy rumors yet, so that was good.

"Well, see ya tomorrow, Rose!" He waved. "Next time, prepare to be defeated."

"Yeah right!" I called over my shoulder. I sighed happily. For a second I forgot that I had lost everything.

I decided to check on Lissa as I was walking home. She was right in the middle of a conversation with Dimitri.

"I mean, can you believe him? He probably knows everything about me! Who does he think he is?"

Dimitri's expression told me that Alex's mind reading still pissed him off too. "I know. Just try-"

Lissa's phone rang. "Sorry, hold on a second." She told Dmitri. "Hello?"

"Hey, Lissa."

"Adrian... are you, um, are you okay?" She completely forgot about him with all the other stuff to worry about.

"Yeah, I'm fine! Who needs Rose anyway?" He choked on my name.

"Are you drunk?"

"No! Of course nnnnnot!"

"Umm, okay..."

"Anyways, I called you see if you wanted to continue practicing spirit. I'm awfully bored now that I'm single!"

"Adrian, it's only been a day. I think you just need to lie down and rest for a while."

"No way! I have places to see and people to go!"

"Adrian, do you need me to come up there?"

"Yes, actually. I want to practice spirit. Besides, I need someone to hang out with."

Lissa sighed. "Fine. I'll come tomorrow after class."

"Okay, can't wait!"

"Adrian?"

"Yes, Lissy?"

"You're not trying to make Rose jealous or something, are you?"

He hung up.

**Sorry if this chapter sucked I had major writer's block. Even though I know where the story is going, I couldn't make it come out right! I'm not that happy with this chapter, but I really wanted to update because I'm going on vacation tomorrow. I probably won't be able to update until friday or saturday, but I'll try for sooner! I'm sorry :P I hope you liked it anyway! Thanks for all the reviews :) **


	16. Fake a smile

**Okay, I wrote this in the car, so I hope it's alright haha. Personally, I don't think it's half bad, but you can be the judge of that. Enjoyy :) **

*** Lissa ***

I felt kind of scared as I knocked on Adrian's door. He was probably a wreck. I glanced nervously at Dimitri. He smiled encouragingly.

He had insisted on coming, even though I knew it wouldn't end well. Adrian might try to beat him up again.

The door swung open. "Hey, Liss!"

My mouth hung open in shock. Adrian was wearing a blue button down shirt and khaki pants. He was cleanly shaven and his hair was neatly gelled.

"Adrian, wow! What's with the outfit? And since when do you call me Liss?"

"Oh, this old thing? It's nothing." He smiled and waved it off. "Oh, Guardian Belikov! Nice to see you again!"

"Are you drunk?" I blurted out.

"Oh, don't be silly!" He put his arm around my waist and starting leading me out the door.

"Where are we going?"

"Oh, well I thought we might want a nicer place to chat, so I made reservations."

"I'm in jeans."

"It's fine, it's only Olive Garden."

When we got to the restaurant, Adrian looked at Dimitri expectantly. _Oh no_, I thought, _here it comes._ But instead of trying to commit murder, Adrian smiled again. "Do you mind giving us some privacy, Guardian Belikov?"

"Um, sure." Dimitri backed away hesitantly, probably afraid that Adrian might snap at any minute. That makes two of us.

Adrian led me to a small table in the back.

"Don't you have to wait to be seated?"

He shrugged. "I don't."

"Adrian, it's not like I want you to be miserable, but why are you so happy?"

"I've moved on, Liss. I've got better things to do, and good friends like you to hang out with."

"Oh, um, okay." I decided to just go along with it. Who knows what goes on in his mind? Besides, I guess this was better than being upset.

"So, hows college going?"

"Um, I'd rather not talk about that."

"Why not, too many people hitting on you?" I opened my mouth to yell at him, but the waiter came.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'll have water." Adrian said. What? No alcohol? Was this another universe?

"Um, I'll have water too." I said.

"What's wrong?" He asked, "You look stunned."

"Oh, um, nothing. So, hows the..um... spirit coming along?"

Just then, Adrian burst out laughing very loudly. "Oh, Liss! You're so funny!"

"What the-" I turned around and saw the reason why Adrian felt the need for outrageous laughter. Rose was walking into the restaurant with some emo-bad boy wannabe. What the hell was she doing? I thought we agreed to keep a low profile! She was supposed to be dating Dimitri!

"Adrian, friends forgive each other, right?"

"Well, yeah, of course." He glanced at Rose and black skinny jean boy, then back at me. Everyone was staring at them, and Rose was staring at us. Adrian twisted a lock of my hair on his finger.

"Well," I muttered under my breath, "I hope you forgive me for this."

I jumped up from the table and ran toward Rose, grabbing Dimitri on the way. "Rose! Finally you're here for our double date!" I said loudly. Slowly people started to mind their own business.

"Lissa, what are you doing?" She whispered.

"Saving your ass. Let's go." I dragged Dimitri and Rose over to our table and sat them down next to each other. I sat by Adrian, very close. I knew I was kind of a bitch for doing this to Adrian, but I promised Rose I would fix everything.

"Hey guys." Adrian put his arm around my shoulder. I forced a smile. He could try all he wanted, but Rose would never be jealous.

"Sorry I'm late guys. What did I miss?" Rose asked innocently. We all looked around to see if anyone was watching. Why couldn't these people stop obsessing over everyone else's lives?

Dimitri put his arm around Rose's shoulders and glared at Adrian.

"Um, guys, maybe we should just do this another time." I said hesitantly.

"Adrian gripped his water glass and smile tightly. "Don't be silly, Liss, this is going to be fun."

"Yes," Dimitri agreed, "Loads and loads of fun."

"So, Rose, I see you're making friends at work." Adrian raised his eyebrows.

"Oh yeah, tons! Everyone loves to hang out with me." Rose glared at him, letting her temper get in the way again.

"Yeah, just be careful not to get _too_ close. Since you have a boyfriend and all." Adrian started gulping down his water.

"Oh, don't worry." Rose fake laughed. "I would never cheat out Dimitri." She leaned her head on his shoulder.

I expected Adrian to fly off the handle, but he just kept on smiling casually. "But," He gestured to me, "Dimitri might cheat on _you_." Gosh damn it.

Rose just shook her head and looked out the window.

"Adrian," I whispered, "Let's just leave. Come one." I grabbed his hand. Dimitri looked at me.

Adrian just shook his head and looked down.

Then, as if the situation couldn't get any worse, Adrian's mother walked in with her friends. Something tells me that she wasn't fond os Rose. Adrian started laughing again, trying to keep up appearances I suppose. Honestly, what was the point anymore?

The waiter came and took our orders, and we sat there in silence. Dimitri glared at Adrian, Adrian glared at Rose, and Rose looked at me for help. I shrugged and wished that she'd never shown up with that goth kid.

"So," Adrian asked randomly. "Who's the kid?" I elbowed him in the side. He squeezed my hand tightly.

"Mikhail's little brother. He's very sweet." Rose spat.

"Isn't the weather gorgeous this evening?" Dimitri asked.

Adrian ignored him. "He's a little young for you, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but who cares? I'm just using him for sex." Rose smiled. That did it.

"The weather is beautiful!" I answered Dimitri's question quickly, "It's doesn't even feel like fall."

"I know," He began, "It's perfect for-" Adrian got up from the table and shoved his chair in before storming away.

* * *

Later that night, I was pulling back my covered to go to sleep when Dimitri asked, "Are you dating Adrian?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Only wondering."

"I'm not." I wanted to tell him that I was never going to date him either..but.. I made a mess of enough stuff for one night.

I took the pink rose off my pillow and threw it in the garbage.

"How do those keep getting in here?"

"I don't know. You lock the door, right?"

"Yes."

"Note to self," I muttered, "Change the locks."

* * *

This was going to be a great dream. I could tell, even in my sleep. I waited anxiously for Christian. I'd had this dream before, but mostly when he was.. well, alive.

I saw him across the wide field of green grass. "Christian!"

He turned around. Good God. "Get away from me!"

Suddenly Alex was right in front of me. "Come on, Lissa. I said sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I just wanted to hear your voice."

"So you invaded my dream?"

"Well, I thought this was the only way I would get to talk to you."

I frowned, dying to know everything he knew about me. Adrian visited my dreams sometimes, but I still don't know how to get out. He's trying to teach me.

"Get out." I said.

"Can I at least explain?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. This ought to be good.

"I really try not to read people's minds. I swear. I know how to block it, but sometimes I get curious. I had no intention of reading your mind until I saw your aura. It's gold, like mine. I've never met anyone anyone else... and they said you've brought people back from being a Strigoi! So I just... I don't know... let my guard down."

"Mhmm." I said.

"It's not like I know your life story or anything, I promise. You just.. I don't know. You're really interesting."

"Gee, thanks." I said, letting him help me up from the ground.

"I'm sorry." He looked at me with complete sincerity in his blue-green eyes.

I sighed. "It's okay. Just don't do it again. Please."

"Haha! I couldn't if I tried! Ever since I told you, you've put up a major wall."

I smiled happily. "Glad to know it's working."

"I'm not." He put his hands in his pockets. "I'm practically dying to know what you think of me."

"I think that reading her mind is no way to get a girl."

He shrugged. "It was unintentional."

"You've only done it once?"

"Yeah, I'm no stalker."

Hmm. Once. That was a little comforting.

"How do you get those rose's in my room?"

He pretended to pull a rose from my ear. He handed the perfect white flower to me. "That, my dear, is a secret for another day."

"How do you do that?"

"Magic."

I rolled my eyes.

"Bye, Lissa. Oh, and by the way, I didn't read Dimitri's mind, but I still think he's got a thing for you."

Then he disappeared.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of Dimitri's voice, talking rapidly in Russian. On the other line, I heard a frantic woman's voice. Since he turned back, he'd talked to his family many times, but it had never sounded like this. Dimitri was pacing nervously, and didn't stop when he hung up.

"What's wrong?"

"It's my sister.. Viktoria. There's been... an accident."

**Okay, I know what you're thinking! "Oh my gosh! This girl just added another dramatic thing! What's the deal?" But, I promise that this is essential to the story! Thanks for all your reviews and support! :) **


	17. Back to Baia

**Okay, I'm rEaLlY ReAlLy sorry about that author's note... I just have really low self-esteem. Thank you guys so much for your kind reviews telling me to continue! I will try to put more action in each chapter to make it more interesting. I hope you like this one..  
**

*** Rose ***

Lissa batted her eye lashes and leaned on the edge of her chair. "Please, Dimitri?"

"No. I said no." His words were thick with his Russian accent.

"Please?" She begged and gazed up at him sweetly. I would have called her a slut if I didn't know what she was trying to do. "Please?"

"Ugh." He got up and started pacing the small room."If I let you come, you're going to try to get Roza and I back together." Did he just say 'Roza'? Score!

She shrugged. "I don't know." That was her goal, though. I doubted she could bring him around to love me again, but I hoped like hell she would be able to. Watching him now, so stressed out and worried about Viktoria made me want to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright.

"You're going to miss class."

"So?" Lissa actually didn't care about college anymore. That was always her dream, but now, she didn't exactly care where she was or what she was doing. I might have accidentally been sneaking around in her mind last night when she decided that she would just live in the present and worry about tomorrow later. It sounded like something I would do. Calm, rational Lissa was flying by the seat of her pants. That kind of worried me. I think she was going to snap again soon.

Note to self, when she convinces Dimitri to let us come to Russia, hide all sharp objects.

Dimitri sighed, exasperated. I think he actually wanted Lissa to come, but his face was too overwhelmed with worry for his baby sister for me to tell. "Fine. You guys can come.. But we have to leave tonight."

"Okay." She smiled sweetly at him. It was the kind of sweet that made you sick if you had too much. Whatever.. whatever worked. Now that Adrian was going out of his way to make me jealous, I wanted nothing more than to show him that I could make this work. Or.. Lissa could and I could just take the credit.

_Start packing, Rose. _Lissa thought to me. She knew I was listening. I nodded, even though she could see me.

* * *

Hans was actually okay with me leaving the court for.. well, however long this took. For a second this confused me, but then I realized he was probably happy to get rid of me. I had my clothes packed in less then fifteen minutes. I guess you could call me eager...

I laid on my bed and went into Lissa's mind to distract myself. She was picking up her books and getting ready to leave the library.

"Lissa" Alex came up behind her, making her jump. The library was almost empty, and Dimitri hadn't come with Lissa today. Alex seemed happy to know that she was alone.

"What?"

"Please, teach me."

"Teach you what?"

"How to heal! I'm dying to know how you do it. You won't believe how many times I've tried." His turquoise eyes sparkled with excitement. "Please?"

"It's not that big of a deal compared to reading minds." She pushed her bangs back from her forehead.

"It is to me. I've never seen anyone who can do this stuff. Besides," He stretched his arms behind her as they walked out of the library. "People don't get mad at you for healing things."

She shook her head, laughing a bit. "Yeah, I guess. I can try to teach you, but it's...hard..."

"I'm a good student." He grinned.

"Sure you are." She rolled her eyes. "I'll have to teach you when I get back. I'm going on a little vacation..."

"Where?"

"Baia."

"Russia? What's in Russia?"

Lissa shrugged as they came to a fork in the road. "But, I made need some chemistry help when I get back." She flashed him a smile. Apparently, getting a boyfriend to drive Dimitri away was on the _Get Dimitri and Rose Back Together_ list. I couldn't say I disagree.

Lissa didn't notice how Alex's eyes lit up when she sad that, but I did.

* * *

I woke up on Dimitri's shoulder. The plane had just landed, and Dimitri was still asleep. A slow smile spread across my face. Lissa looked at me from across the isle and gave me a thumbs up. I shrugged. Well, I've got nothing to loose.

I lightly kissed him on the cheek. His eyes snapped open immediately. I jumped. "Sorry, I-"

"Are we there?" He asked, almost looking panicked.

"Um, yeah. We are."

"Oh, good."

We practically ran off the plane, and Olena was standing at the gate waiting. Dimitri grabbed my hand as we walked out, and I held onto it tightly. I never wanted to let go. I was so glad that his mom thought we were still together.

"Oh, Dimka! ..Russian Russian blah blah..." Olena spent like ten minutes hugging Dimitri and she practically started crying. I guess I would have to if I had thought he was dead and then only received a few phone calls from him.

Then she moved to me and hugged me tightly. "Oh, Rose! I'm so happy to see you again!"

Then she went to Lissa. "You must be Vasilisa! I've heard so much about you." ...What? From _who_? Oh, yeah.. me.

It was about 1am in Russia, so everyone was sleeping when we got back to the house. I tried not to smile when I entered the house. It brought back so many memories from last year. Even the smell was comforting. It felt like the home I never had.

Dimitri asked right away if he could see Viktoria, but Olena told him to wait until morning. Dimitri hadn't told us what was wrong with her, but I had a good feeling. From the way it sounded, she had NDD. I couldn't say pr spell the name, but it was a really rare disease that dhampirs get when Moroi drink their blood Barely anyone ever got it.. Well, except for the occasional young girl...

If only Viktoria had listened to me the last time I was here. This disease was no joke. It killed you, no matter what. It ran through your blood. Your body would slowly start to slow down, until pretty soon you couldn't even get out of bed. You would have hallucinations of your worst fears. Only few Moroi carry this disease, and there is no way to know until they give it to a dhampir, because dhampirs are the only ones who could get affected by it.

I could only imagine how Olena was feeling. She found out that her son had come back from the dead, and now her daughter was dying.

She handed me a pillow, causing me to snap out of my thoughts. "Here you go." She whispered. "One of you can sleep on the couch downstairs, and two of you can sleep on a mattress in Sonya's room since she is currently living with her boyfriend." I briefly saw a flash of sadness or regret in Olena's eyes. It seemed like their family was coming apart.

"Thank you so much for letting us come and stay. We are so sorry-"

"No, don't worry about it." She bit her lip. "See you in the morning." She turned and walked into her room quickly. I had always considered Olena to be one of the calmest people I'd ever met, and t was so weird seeing her like this. She seemed to on edge, and she had lost a lot of weight. If Olena was this bad, I was afraid to see Viktoria in the morning.

"Well, I'll take the couch, and you guys-"

"Oh, don't be silly!" Lissa whispered. "I'll sleep on the couch."

It took a second for Dimitri to register what she said, but then his eyes opened wide. "No, I'll sleep-"

"Nope, sorry. Have fun you two." She winked and walked into the living room where the couch was.

Dimitri cursed in Russian under his breath. Hmm, I may be getting fatter but I didn't think I was that bad. It's not like we had to do anything.

He still held my hand when we walked to the room. I almost pointed it out and made a joke about it, but then I thought better of it.

After I came back from changing in the bathroom, Dimitri was laying in bed reading a western. He looked up when I came in, and actually smiled at me. I felt so young again, like the days we spent at the trailing center. Suddenly, my chest ached. I wanted those times. I felt so old now.. so broken.

"I'm sorry... About the sleeping arrangements." I said, crawling in carefully so that i was on the very edge of the bed. He was on the very edge of his side too. Well, this should be fun. If only her would just pull me into his arms like he used to.

"It's okay, I don't mind." He reached over the covers to set the book down and I gasped. Why wasn't he wearing a shirt? Oh God.. I need to go sleep on the couch before I do something I regret..

"Uh-uh, hm, uh, okay."

"Sorry, I just get really hot when I sleep..."

"No, no, don't worry. It's, uh, it's okay. Goodnight!" I rolled over and shut my eyes tightly, trying to get the image of shirtless Dimitri out of my head.

* * *

I have no clue what time it was, but when my eyes snapped open, it was still pretty dark outside. Or, at least it was in the room. The curtains that covered the windows were pretty thick. I woke up because I felt like somebody was watching me. I looked around carefully, trying to assess the situation.

Well, as far as I could see in the dark room, no one else was there. Well, except for Dimitri, who currently had one arm draped over my waist and was laying on my pillow. I forgot how much he moved around when he slept. I slowly rolled over so that my face was inches from his. He smelled so good..

Then I heard a creak. My head snapped to the door, but I was careful not to move my body because I wanted Dimitri's arm to stay where it was. The hallway was dark, but I could just barely make out the figure of Yeva Belikov watching me. Oh, shit.

**Sorry if this chapter was bad, I tried to make it interesting! I might have gotten distracted because I was watching Hercules.. Anyways, review please? :) **


	18. Viktoria's Wishes

**Okay, this really sucks, but at leats it's an update, right? I know it's summer and all but I'm waaayy short on time. O.o**

*** Rose ***

When I woke up, it was still pitch black in the room, but I had a bad feeling in my gut that it was well past noon. Hey, what can I say? Time differences screw me up, and I'm not perfect like Lissa or Dimitri.

I rolled over, hoping he was there, but found only the cold sheets. He must have been gone a while.

I dragged myself out of the mattress and staggered into the hallway. I groggily opened the door to the bathroom, only to get snapped out of my trace but screaming. Dimitri's screaming, actually. The room was all steamy, and there was Dimitri, standing butt naked and wet in the middle of the bathroom. Then, as if the situation couldn't get _any_ worse, I said the first- and dumbest- thing that came to mind, "Do you want a towel?"

"Uhh.." He just stood there, not even bothering to cover anything. _Damn it_, you'd think he'd at least try!

"Welllll... I'm going to leave now!" I quickly spun on my heel and ran out of there as fast as I possibly could. Only, that seemed to be an issue too. I ran straight into Yeva, who was carrying a bowl of soup to Viktoria's room at the end of the hall. The soup spilled all over her, and before I could think, I yelled, "Oh, shit!"

Yeva thrusted the tray into my arms and stomped down the hallway, talked very loudly and quickly in Russian. I stood there, completely mortified. For God sakes, I haven't even been here for twenty four hours!

"What's going on?" I turned around to see Dimitri with a towel wrapped around his waist. Yeah, like that was any better! His hair was still dripping and his muscled chest was-

"Rose, is everything okay?" Lissa came up the steps with a new bowl of soup. She stopped when she saw Dimitri, "Oh, am I interrupting?" She winked at me, and Dimitri shook his head. Way to be smooth, Liss.

"No, Lissa. Is it _lunch_ time yet?" Dimitri gave me a look that I couldn't interpret. How rude.

She laughed nervously. "Um, almost. I have to go help," She set the fresh soup on the tray I was holding, "Here Rose, take this to Viktoria. I know see was dying to see you." Ugh, such a simple, kind gesture, yet somehow it made me feel hollow inside. It seemed like Lissa had gotten closer to the Belikov's in a few hours than I had in all the time I spent here a few months ago.

"Sure, Liss."

"Did you guys have a good sleep?" She asked, all too innocently.

Before I could speak, Dimitri did. "Yes, it was very good. Yours?"

"Oh, mine was-"

She was interrupted by Yeva's yelling again. We looked over the old wooden bannister and saw Yeva pointing up at me and talking loudly to Olena. I got the feeling she was begging her to kick me out of the house. Olena yelled back and wiped her hands off on her pink apron. Then Yeva flung her hands up in the air and stormed out the front door.

"Should I go check on her?" Lissa asked quietly. I guess I should have figured that even Yeva Belikov would like Lissa.

"Nah," Dimitri laughed drily, "She'll be fine. Come on Rose, let's go bring this to my sister."

Lissa smiled encouragingly as Dimitri and I walked down the hallway. He opened the door slowly, just to make sure she wasn't sleeping. "Viktoria?"

"Dimka!" She sat up slowly in bed. Her voice was excited, but her sullen eyes and pale skin showed that she must have been miserable. "And Rose! Oh my gosh! I haven't seen you in forever!" Yep, and she still sounded like a normal teen girl.

"Here Sis, we brought you some soup." Dimitri set the tray down on her lap.

"Thanks." She frowned at the bowl, then looked back at us with a warm smile. "I can't believe you two are still together after all that's happened! It's amazing, really. I guess true love really does come through in the end, huh?"

It broke my heart to see her so happy about something that would never happen. "Well, actually-"

Dimitri quickly put his arm around me and cut in, "Yeah, it is. I'm so lucky I have her."

"Aw! You two are adorable! I've always wanted to see Dimitri with a girlfriend of his, but he's never brought one home!" She said excitedly before turning over and puking into a trashcan. She wiped her mouth on a washcloth and continued on like nothing happened. Dimitri and I just stared, dumbfounded at her positive attitude when death was practically knocking on the door. "I'm surprised he's even kissed a girl in his life!"

Dimitri walked over slowly and gently ruffled her thin hair. "Oh, Viktoria. You were always the best at embarrassing me."

"Yeah, and don't you forget it! Even when I'm gone, kay?" She talked so casually, as if she was planning a trip to the mall with her friends.

Dimitri's eyes welled up with tears. He gulped loudly. "I won't. I promise."

"Oh, and I have one more request!" She sang, as if she were giving some kind of royal decree. Her bony hand twirled her hair carelessly.

"What is it?" Dimitri and I asked simultaneously.

"Dimka, you have to promise to always love Rose. Even though we weren't on good terms when she left, she has a good heart. She came all this way for you, and hey, if I had listened to her, maybe I wouldn't be sick right now. Anyways, that's not the point. Never let her go. Got it?"

Dimitri sniffed, holding back tears.

"Hello! I don't have all day here!" She laughed and rolled her eyes at me. "Men. I swear, it goes in one ear and out the other!"

I smiled at her, and wondered how she could have possibly grown up so much since the last time I saw her. She was so immature then, and now she seemed to have life all figured out.

"I promise, Sis."

"Don't call me Sis, I always hated that." She pretend glared at him.

"Oh, my apologies, Miss Viktoria."

"Apology accepted. Now, let's have a kiss to seal the deal!" She clasped her hands together and smiled triumphantly. "This should be good! I bet Dimitri's real clueless when it comes to this stuff!"

"Oh, I don't know about that, Viktoria." He said, glancing at me nervously.

"Come on, I'm getting older here! I have an entire list of things I need to tell you, and you're wasting time!"

"Fine, fine. You always did get your way." Dimitri sighed, stepping toward me. My heart started beating wildly, despite the odd situation.

"Yeah, don't forget that either." She smiled. Even though she teased him, you could really see how much she loved her big brother.

Dimitri tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before gently giving me a quick kiss. My whole body was tingling up and down, but I tried to act like this was the norm.

"Good," She said, fully convinced. "Now Dimitri, I have some other things I have always wanted to tell you.." The girl actually pulled out a list from under her pillow. I didn't know whether to feel happy about the kiss, sad about her death, or astonished about how well she was taking it.

I decided to leave and give them their privacy, but I made a mental note to talk to Viktoria alone sometime and say goodbye.

**Like? No like? Sorry for the long time... feel free to throw a chair at me or something.. xD**


	19. Indecision

**People! Stop hatin on Lissa! Sure she made a few mistakes but she's just trying to be nice now. Oh, and this chapter will most likely be pretty bad because I totally forgot what was supposed to happen next. Try to enjoy... and if you don't, you can lie :) just kidding lol. **

*** Dimitri ***

Even though my little sister was sick, I was dying to go home. Being here for only a few days made me feel weird, like I was trapped or something. Not mention my crazy grandmother's senseless yelling about how I didn't like Rose. It's like she thought she knew everything or something.

I walked into the kitchen where my mother was preparing some other dish. All she has done since we arrived here was cook. I think it helped distract her from that fact that her daughter was dying. My grandmother sat at the table, knitting some scarf.

"Mom, what are you making now?" I said to her in Russian.

"Oh, just a little snack for everyone." She said without looking up from the cookbook.

"We just ate like twenty minutes ago." I said gently, lowering the cookbook from her pale hands.

"I know, but-"

"Mom, it's okay."

She looked up at me and her eyes filled with tears. I could tell she was trying to hold the family together even though it was completely falling apart.

"Do you have something you want to tell us, Dimka?" Yeva looked up from her sewing and stared at me. I had a feeling I knew what she was talking about, and I didn't want to go there.

"What are you talking about? I was just trying to tell Mom that-"

"I know. Just let her cook, it relaxes the nerves." Yeva commanded. Even though I loved her, she creeped me out sometimes with the way she watched everyone.

My mom nodded and got back to reading the recipe. I longed for home again, because everything here was so different now. I thought I missed home sometimes, but now I remember why I left. Of course I missed my family, but this isn't the kind of life I wanted.

"Okay, well I'm going to run to town-"

"Lissa and Rose went to town this morning, they should be back soon." Yeva said, looking annoyed. "Now, I think you should tell us the big secret."

"What secret?" I asked suspiciously, going over to get a glass of water.

"Oh, don't listen to her, Dimka. She thinks you and Rose are having some problems, but I keep telling her to mind her own business." My mom sighed and rummaged through the cupboards.

"We aren't having any problems." I said seriously. I needed to get my act together because of what I promised to Viktoria. I needed to figure out how to get things back to how they were supposed to be.

"I told you he'd say that, Olena. But something's a little off. Maybe it's just because of the baby." My grandmother said casually, picking up her knitting again.

I choked on the water and spit it on the counter. "What?" I asked, ready to deny it, but remembering the lie. "How did you know?" I forced the question out.

"Please," My mother laughed. "It's so obvious."

Wow, I'll never understand women.

"We were just waiting for you to tell us! It's not like you to hide something wonderful like that, Dimitri." My mother smiled a soft smile at me.

"Hide something like what?" Rose said as she and Lissa walked in with a few groceries. I didn't even notice how our conversation had switched over to english.

My grandma started laughing, and my mother smiled. Everyone looked at me. Oh, great. "The baby. They wanted to know why we didn't tell them."

Rose's mouth practically dropped to the floor, and Lissa just smiled.

"Well, it's nice to have some good news around here for a change!" My mom said. I tried not to roll my eyes.

* * *

"Dimitri, I saw how embarrassed you looked earlier and-" Rose began as we laid down for the night.

"I wasn't embarrassed, Roza, I was just-"

"No, let me finish." She said, a smile playing at her rosy lips. "I'm saying that you don't have to pretend to date me anymore. Being here made me realize that maybe.. Maybe I'll be fine on my own."

"But-"

"No, don't try to keep making me happy. I know what you really want, and I'm fine with that now." She said, sadness in her eyes. Yet her voice was strong, and she seemed perfectly calm.

"But Rose, I don't know what-"

"Please, Dimitri. Don't make this harder than it needs to be." She put a finger on my lips. For some reason, this little declaration of hers made me a little sad. Ever since I volunteered to be the "father", my dependency on Lissa has faded. At that moment, I realized that Rose was just as vulnerable as everyone else, no matter how "okay" she seemed on the outside.

After all, Rose was safe to be around now that I wasn't a Strigoi, even though I still have dreams of her killing me every night. Either that, or I'm killing her.

That's why I felt like I needed to stay away. We would hurt each other.

I either needed to protect myself, or her.

I was confused because it seemed like Strigoi emotions still lingered inside me, and the reason I had to move on to Lissa is because I needed new thoughts and new emotions to distract me.

"Hello? Earth to Dimitri?" Rose waved her hand in front of my face, snapping me out of my little revelation.

"Oh," I shook my head. "Sorry Roza, but I'm going to help you. I mean, what would my family think if we told them the truth now?"

"True, but once we get back to America-"

"We'll figure it out when we get there." I sighed. It felt good not to plan out everything, instead taking it in stride.

* * *

I jolted upright, panting and sweating. I just had another Strigoi dream, and they always freaked me out. I glanced over to see if I woke Rose, but she was gone.

I started to panic for a second, thinking I killed her, but then I heard her voice outside the room.

"So it worked?" Lissa asked her.

"I think so! He said he still wanted to help me." Rose whispered.

"See, I told you! Just give it some time to let everything fall into place..." I could hear the smile in Lissa's voice.

I couldn't believe it. After all that had happened, Rose was still trying to win me back.

**Haha! Dimitri is so ignorant! He didn't even notice that Lissa has been trying to get them together! Men, what will we do with them? Anyways, what did you guys think about the reason Dimitri tried to date Lissa? Was it unexpected? **


	20. I didn't fall off the face of the earth

**Alright, just say it... I'm bad. I warned you on my profile that I really sucked at finishing stories... However, I'm GOING to finish this! I promise! I still have it planned out... **

**The problem is that I ended up rereading the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, and randomly starting writing fanfictions for that. :3 I was also at camp, but I'll stop making excuses now. **

**Hopefully I'll get around to updating... but you never know with school and stuff. The point is, if you still want to read this, I'll continue :3**

**Please, don't kill me? **

**~ Vampgurl **


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